Monday, April 21, 2008

A giver, demanding

it's my nature to give.
give 'til it hurts.
i give to friends,
and others around me.

but sometimes you reach a point when don't have anymore to give.
no more time, patience, energy, compromise or focus.

but i try to give fair warning that i've hit a wall.
demand my own needs.

here's the issue, i feel that reaction to my demands is never good.
it never has been.
i don't think i know how to effectively demand something.
how do I make sure get the time, patience, energy, compromise or focus I deserve?

if i'm not getting it, i seem to default to one of two actions:
increase my efforts (in case I was falling short, because, as a giver, I assume it MUST be my fault)
i walk away in what I assume is a dignity-saving move.

but how much dignity is maintained when walking away... i'm usually only leaving because the long slow show of evidence takes weeks to build up to a point where I go "Hey, I think someone is sending me a message."

i assume i've brought this upon myself over the years... being generally content with going along with whatever is happening. I can sense high maintenance and usually let it win instead of causing tension by suggesting something else. But years of agreeing to meet them on their side of town, acquiesing to a pizza without black olives or generally putting the ball in other's proverbial courts has made me someone who can't successfully demand the things i need.

and that's sad.

I'm issuing a challenge to all those who demand as a regular course.
Those who agressively demand
Those who passively demand
and those who are generally inflexible.

Go back to those you demand from, and figure what you can do to even the balance.

Make someone else feel heard.

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