Comedy

Funniest 7 minutes I've seen in a looooong time.



Best take-aways...
"I broke my ankle when I tripped and fell on Milton Berle's cock."
"Your mouth is ruining all the hard work your ass is doing."
"Someone punch me in the face so I can see some stars."

Nerd sex rocks

Courtesy of XKCD

(Wed'y's was pretty awesome, too)

Interesting...

I like porn now and then - in conversations with friends, I've argued that it's a healthy part of being human.

This, however, is an interesting stance on how its availability has made men less libidinous...

Fun with Sincerity

I love the oldie-timey candy called Valomilk.
I'm a total latecomer to marshmallow, but I have all the zeal of a convert and I found my faith in 'shallow filled chocolate cups available through places like the Vermont Country Store.

According to a recent catalog , their slogan is...

"If it runs down your chin, you know it's a Valomilk!"

*giggle*

Um... yeah... if it runs down my chin I - uh - think I... um... need a tissue.

JUST DON'T GET ANY IN MY EYE!

Seriously.

National Doodle Day

According to the good ladies at Go Fug Yourself last Thursday was USA National Doodle Day.

That said, a doodle from my notebook...



I guess I was feeling Matisse-y that day.

Oh my!

A friend sent me this today.


It took me a while to get it.



but then I just rotated the .jpg

musto as lohan as monroe

love it

Filthy Christmas Icons

I was putting away my Christmas decorations:
trees, ornaments, stockings...
and I kept hearing these ungodly noises...

and what to my wondering eyes do appear?
an elf and cookie, engaged in flagrante delicato.

the elf is half in the bag from what seems to be a cosmo? a negroni?


the gingerbread really seems to be enjoying himself.

more teutonic strangeness

This isn't necessarily of the season, but I bring this up because springerle cookies remind me of Christmas.

Springerle, for those who don't know is essentially hardtack with sugar, imprinted with molds made of wood.

My mother has number of these molds, and I remember her joy upon finding the "Dukatenscheisser"



Yeah...
He's shitting gold.

Here's a better view...



I wish I could shit gold.

Krampus

Thanks to those at 7 deadly sinners and to my mother's obsession with all things curious and slightly offensive (in some ways, apple not so far from the tree, I admit), I bring you Krampus...



St. Nick's alter ego, brother, frenemy and dirty dark yin to his fluffy glitter yang.

Frankly, he looks a lot more interesting...
Check out that tongue!

Annotated Nativity

In the spirit of the season...
A friend sent this.
Her niece did it.
Very perceptive, she.

cake

We're taking a friend out for a going-away celebration tonight, and his friends and I discussed the possibility of making him a dirty cake; specifically a penis cake.

What I really wanted to to was stack cupcakes up and make a giant edible erection with cupcake-ie junk.

Unfortunately, I was pre-empted by the purchase of a cake fit for a 10-year old girl from Dave's that we're apparently going to write harassing statements on.

that's fine.
funny.
less craftie.
whatev.

but for a few sweet shining glorious moments, I was answering my phone "Penisson and sons, bakery"

it brings back the glory days of
"Office of student affairs, would you like one?"

*sigh*

to be a 17 year old boy...

voyeurism

New York Magazine started a weekly column called the sex diaries.

The link leads to the first article from April and if you search for "sex diary" in the New York Mag website, you'll get a list of previous weekly columns.

I love knowing what others are doing... helps me feel that my own actions are in a respectable place along the continuum.

Potter update

Oodles of Awkward Teenage Love (Yea!)

And my favorite quote thus far... on Ron's birthday gift to Harry.

"This isn't your average book... It's pure gold. Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches...You'd be surprised, it's not all about wandwork, either."

*snort*

Wandwork?

O my...

Scandalous.

But such skills certainly don't hurt a fella either... muggle or otherwise.

UPDATE: 72% of all people who find my blog via search engines search the phrase "it's not all about wandwork, either"
I freaking LOVE you people.

Wild Things in Captivity

Wild things in captivity
while they keep their own wild purity
won't breed, they mope, they die.

All men are in captivity,
active with captive activity,
and the best won't breed, though they don't know why.

The great cage of our domesticity
kills sex in a man, the simplicity
of desire is distorted and twisted awry.

And so, with bitter perversity,
gritting against the great adversity,
they young ones copulate, hate it, and want to cry.

Sex is a state of grace.
In a cage it can't take place.
Break the cage then, start in and try.

-D.H. Lawrence

vibrating that little bitty richter scale lookin' thingie box - NSW

holy hell, I have been looking for a vid or mp3 of this for ages -
you can't believe the love i have for this song...
and this guy's interpretation is fab -
god, i love the interweb

"obscene and pornographic art" by bongwater (featuring ann magnuson, a denison alum - get on girl)

Double Entendre

Kelleys Island Mini-Golf, August 2005