Thursday, June 28, 2007

Thursday Post

I would if I could
but I can't 'cause I'm tired...

Let's just take a moment with Peter Beard, shall we?

Sometimes it's nice to turn off your brain
and stare at something pretty.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Random thought

if you look at the word quickly... do you (like me) think for a split second that it probably rhymes with "gurus?"
I kept thinking I was misspelling it.

Ghost writer

As part of my job, I have to get letters of support from prominent individuals in the community.
Turns out - as part of my job, I have to write letters of support from prominent people in the community.
I guess I should have known.
It's just a little disappointing, you know.
Like I just saw the man behind the curtain.
But I guess Ben Stein was always way cooler than Nixon.
Not that I'm Ben Stein.
But you see where the analogy was going.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Caught in a Web (June 2007)

Vintage silk thread on silk velvet, paper.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Wild Things in Captivity

Wild things in captivity
while they keep their own wild purity
won't breed, they mope, they die.

All men are in captivity,
active with captive activity,
and the best won't breed, though they don't know why.

The great cage of our domesticity
kills sex in a man, the simplicity
of desire is distorted and twisted awry.

And so, with bitter perversity,
gritting against the great adversity,
they young ones copulate, hate it, and want to cry.

Sex is a state of grace.
In a cage it can't take place.
Break the cage then, start in and try.

-D.H. Lawrence

Thursday, June 21, 2007

My need for speed

When it comes to transporation, I usually like to amble... kayaking, sailing, punting, hiking, biking etc... I'm not into X-treme anything, really.

But this last week, I had the opportunity to experience some serious speed and I LOVED IT.
I'm almost ashamed at how much I loved it.

Last night was more low key than my first encounter - I got to ride... not shotgun... but whatever the passenger on a scooter is called. And it was AWESOME. Totally loved it. I can only imagine a motorcycle...

But the true speed experience came last Sunday. I was guest at a house on one of the bays in Marblehead and they had some serious water toys. The boat was out of commission, but there were three jet skis ready to go.

As a kayaker/sailer/swimmer I usually hate jet skis - many don't have experience on the water other than jet skis, they don't always understand the rules of water traffic, and - as the fastest and most nimble watercraft - its up to them to give way to those without the same control - but they rarely do.

But holy hell are they fun... I got the smaller, older one up close to 50mph... it definitely bucked against the waves and wakes - almost jumping over them... but the real fun was the big new gleaming beast of a machine... i would maybe call it an "overcompensator" -

truly, on that thing, my testosterone levels increased at least 50%. I got it up to 60mph and it sliced through the waves like a hot knife through soft butter. For about an hour afterwards... and occasionally when I have a little reverie about it - I feel like a motherfucking badass.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Alba the bunny, et al

Click here for a slide show of artists combining scientific processes with art. I saw Kac (the guy who created Alba) give a talk 2 years ago at the Cinematheque - it was interesting, what he was doing with text and DNA... and he was truly lost without his Alba-bunny.

I'm still not sure how I feel about creating life for the sake of art... there's a range of ethical dilemmas that I'm not up to exploring this morning, but it's something to think about.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

A little Carrie - post happy hour, even!

i mentioned in my last post that i was reading isak dineson's "on modern marriage." i found this book during my time in arizona - written, i think - as a response to her experiences with an unfaithful husband and her love affair with Denys Finch Hatten. as you can guess, it's fairly down on marriage as an institution. i was also reading it at a time when friends were starting to marry off - and as a bridesmaid and fairly single person - i started researching the concept of marriage from all possible vantage points.

it was my first real experience of watching marriages fail - the work i did was long and tiring, leading to a lot of emotional intimacy between co-workers - leading to alienation of affection - leading to divorces left and right.

it was right after undergrad, so my experience thus far was that marriage was the Goal - it was the next thing after the diploma and the foundation on which your "real life" could begin.

but i always had kind of a neutral position on marriage - i knew from experiencing disappointment - in general - that wanting something completely out of my control would just lead to misery, so it was never on my list of things to do - also, as an only child, i'm not prone to needing company as much as someone with siblings may be - my own theory.

anyway, its almost 7 years later and i've been to a great deal more weddings - i have one upcoming in late summer - and one next spring... and the dating pool is decidedly more divorced - so I’ve been re-evaluating my own thoughts about marriage... i'm still pretty not into it - but i'm into the idea of an ongoing monogamous understanding with someone else... so where does an “understanding” end and a marriage begin? and how and when do you drop the bomb that that's your goal? so far, i find myself involved with others who also date outside the box - however, they tend to be much further outside the box than i am - which presents its own difficulties.
some got beat up by the box - so anything resembling the box is a problem.
some have extreme philosophical hatred of the box - so (see above)
and some simply refuse to admit the box exists.

would i do it? - maybe, but with less wedding and more anniversary parties. i've always thought that weddings are like having a graduation party when you get accepted to a college. it's a celebration of potential. but potential and expectation rarely play out as planned - so why not celebrate the proven success instead?

i think maybe not relying on marriage may actually make me a more high mantainance girl... with marriage, you can lean on the institution and get lazy - but without it, you have to be present with the other person. if you're not present or engaged (no pun intended) with the other person, and there's no contract to keep you together... well, you can easily have nothing.

but isn't it that gradual growing apart that leads to problems in marriage? - when passion turns to frustration and daily tasks take over the discovery of this other person. even when you logically know otherwise, there is an expectation that one person is going to sweep in and be your everything - and what a tremendous amount of pressure to put on another person, especially one that loves you.

anyway, sometimes i feel like i somehow missed the bus - but i'm not sure it's a bus i want to be on, but there is a legitimacy that it brings to your life, if only in the eyes of others. people congratulate you when they hear you got a masters degree but BOY do they light up when you tell them you're seeing someone with "potential"

Books to avoid

Into every life, some rain must fall...

So I've been reading a bit more these days - I ran into a heavily laden $1 cart at Half-price books and picked up a few pieces for summer - and Visible Voice is a great resource when craving a good read in a comfy chair.

In bookstores, I go with my gut, and recently, my gut has been so wrong.

I stumbled upon a used copy of this and thought it would be a good read. With a title like "Manliness" I didn't think I could go wrong. I thought maybe some Freud or war talk would dull it up a bit, but I was expecting to be led on horseback into the deep, craggy recesses of the masculine brain. I was looking for answers, dammit! And instead I get...
"...The American Patriarch, if you want to call him that..."
"...Dagwood Bumstead..."
"nondescript , codified human beings......."


My second strike was this piece of tripe. Which is pretty much the worst assult on the written word - ever. I thought it would be good for beach reading - nope. I think a seagull laughed at me when he saw what I was reading.

My third strike was this. Not as bad as the other two - I'm still making my way through it - but for a GREAT novel along similar lines, go for Geek Love - HANDS DOWN a better read.

I'm also reading this, this, and this...which are making up for the awful.

Research, sarah, do your reseach before you open your wallet...

good girl.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

hollow heart (June 2007)

the scan doesn't read well - but it's the negative space cut out and elevated above leather backing...

it's pretty
it looks like the thing it's supposed to look like
but it's a shadow of the thing itself

vibrating that little bitty richter scale lookin' thingie box - NSW

holy hell, I have been looking for a vid or mp3 of this for ages -
you can't believe the love i have for this song...
and this guy's interpretation is fab -
god, i love the interweb

"obscene and pornographic art" by bongwater (featuring ann magnuson, a denison alum - get on girl)

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Summer Math





a happy happy girl

Friday, June 15, 2007

Untitled heart (June 2007)

i kinda love it in black and white

suggestions for a title are welcome...
when i was making it, i was thinking about things being released after a hibernation
or things emerging from a safe place out into the world

at first, i thought "emerging heart," but its not the heart that emerging, it's the heart that's kept things protected untl there was no choice but to burst out

or something like that...

Thursday, June 14, 2007

in the meantime - something to listen to

it's a busy week at work - so not so much to post (although I have been working on a couple of heart pieces - I'll scan those soon).

but here's what I've been listening to while i work...
and this too.

UPDATE: click on "radio" link - or itunes under "eclectic"... is it wrong that one of my favorite songs is gavin friday's rendition of a dirty dirty sea chanty baltimore whores...? so glad the ambient noise of the office obscures the lyrics...

the only negatives are: Byrne's changes monthly - so it repeats every 2 hours - which is ok if you like his current playlist and are prone to repetition (as i am).

radio paradise is dj mixed, and some i prefer some over others - but in general it's pretty good.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

more anatomy

Each one below the previous... like a pop up book - the hinge is at the back of the head.
Beautimous - no?

Monday, June 11, 2007


Now that i've hit "submit" on that federal grant and things are wrapping up at the old job... I've started thinking about digging into making more heart art... so i pulled out a couple of old medical texts for ideas.

I love this one from the 1910s - it has these wonderful images that resemble pop-up books. These two images are the front and back of one card.



lovely, aren't they

the bones look almost halloweenie

Sunday, June 10, 2007


So today was a weird day for me- not the best day - not the worst day -
but it brought home alot of things...
that bad things happen,
but good things happen, too
and they're often happening at the same time.

today i had birthday plans,
but then i got horrible news

so... what do you do?
it wasn't necessary for me to go home - my parents were dealing with the family to whom it happened, and i wouldn't be of any real help... i was even instructed to not send anything until further notice...

but birthday plans seemed empty knowing the depth of grief so close to me...

so i talked with friends... and went to the beach... and out to dinner...

i kept thinking about striking a balance between the need to be frivilous and fun when there is so much that needs attention and so many people who don't have the time for frivolity...

i knew someone years ago who spent so much time tending to those in need: homeless, hungry, disabled and sick - it was wonderful, if you were homeless, hungry, disabled or sick - but if not... well... get in line.

i know that in the time i knew him, i had a lot more crisises than ever before - or since - coincidence...?

so i know that balance is important - and i know that sadness breeds sadness and joy breeds joy - so today i decided to stick with joy, and save the sadness for a more appropriate moment...

so here's a little joy from about thirty years ago...

2 tragedies to add to the thousands

in the past week, two family friends were killed by sniper fire in iraq - two separate incidents - two wonderful men - two families sit at home with their grief.

the most recent one was 23 - he was a neighbor - he used to hit golf balls into our garden.

my dad would swear when he'd run over them with the lawnmower.

i remember when he was born - i was young, but old enough to hold him.

and his parents got a visit in the middle of the night last night - two soldiers with a terrible duty - a message and a flag to deliver.

its the stuff of a military parents' nightmare visions - and i'm sure they're brokering deals with the universe as we speak for it all to be terrible misunderstanding - that it was someone else - some other son.

eric should have come home whole.

bruce, too.

and countless others as well.

Saturday, June 9, 2007


My birthday is tomorrow

and I want another year of


Update: and Strongbow, definitely more Strongbow...

Friday, June 8, 2007

It's oh so quiet

My birthday is in 2 days

and I want
zing boom
zing boom
wow bam
for everyone i know and love

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Happy Phantom

My birthday is in 3 days

and I want to never need
umbrellas in the rain.

the degradation of humanity

I have an extra loge ticket for the orchestra's Der Rosenkavalier and after countless phone calls, apparently I cannot GIVE away this ticket.




more tenors for me.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007


the ghetto bird is all over tonight.

Subtle fellas... nothing like sneaking up on someone with a 200db engine roaring...


My birthday is in 4 days

and I want ten days of perfect tunes.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007


My birthday is in 5 days

I want to spend it with people who'll dig tunnels
from their windows to mine.


I have been a lazy lazy horrible terribly distracted awful blogger.

I just took a new job, and in my infinite wisdom/over-estimation of abilities, I am also continuing to work for my previous employer until the end of their fiscal year, which happens on June 30.

And I was putting together a benefit for the latter and coordinating a federal grant application (due June 11) for the former - so yes, excuses excuses... lazy lazy horrible terribly distracted awful blogger.

I haven't so much as cut out another heart... but I have been thinking over some concepts to realize.

So about the hearts...

I recently was directed to a blogger at Frantic Writings. Here's an example of what he's all about...

"Tuesday my case goes to the Cleveland Clinic to see if I qualify for a heart transplant. All in all I’d have to say that’s pretty fucked up. I still can’t believe that I need a new heart."

Here is my reaction...

I cried a little... well, I cried alot - it was that kind of hacking simpering coughing donkey-bray of a cry that comes when a totally foreign reality clicks instantaneously with your own unrelated thought processes.

I've been doing alot of that since the end of '02...the littlest triggers set things in motion - mostly stories about loss of control or a complete change of plan or unmet expectations.

Anyway, he writes about this juxtaposition between experiencing a great joy and facing a great challenge and seems to plunge from one level of Maslow's Hierarchy to a much lower one in an instant.

It just hit the right nerve... and tears... and hiccupping... it was all quite sloppy.

I've really grown to hate how much loss of control there is in aging... or in simply being a human for so long that if you had a good run at one time, its really easy for the magnet to flip from positive to negative. And the realization that our bodies and minds are machines that wear down and have parts that should be re-called - it's all quite discouraging.

So after reading his posts, I considered him, someone I don't know and someone I am unlikely to meet, as I cut out hearts for the first round of my series...

And I cut out about 30 of them... big, small...hearts to be hung out to dry... hearts to be mounted like trophies and insect specimens... hearts in nests hatching beautiful things...

And I kept thinking about the theoretical heart and the physical heart and how we talk about broken hearts all the time without the reality of having experienced a literal Broken Heart with its wheezing and arrhythmia and unbalanced-ness.

Anyway... I as I thought about this man with a Broken Heart, I was imagining a store where he could go and there would be stacks and stacks of hearts... real working, replacement hearts like Wonka's factory or a Target... or even just a field... with a good crop of strong, healthy hearts and an abundance so great that you could choose to be picky.

Maybe even stock up with a couple extra - you know... "just in case."

How great would it be to have an inventory of spare hearts in the basement?

You could...
*pass them out to friends
*keep them on hand for emergencies
*give them to panhandlers
*have one for different needs: athletic heart, sacrificial heart, snow-blower heart
*you could mail it around the world and it would come back smarter and stronger
*you could keep one in its original packing and sell it on eBay as "mint condition" - no scars, no baggage, no clots, blockages or stints.

The possibilities are endless. So much is caught up in love and symbolism of hearts... it leaves me speechless.

I'm just very glad I was introduced to his blog, it's good for inspiration - and I like to think that as I work on each piece, he's got a bit of good juju (and hopefully a working heart) coming to him in each one.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Television worth watching...

Creature Comforts

I LOVED the short film and apparently they've turned it into a series...
I'm really glad I turned on the television.

Television may be the devil, but what a great excuse to rollick with Old Scratch

Sunday, June 3, 2007

In Grantchester, in Grantchester!

UPDATE ON THE UPDATE: According to 2 other versions of the poem, I found this phrase, "ei’ qe genoi mhn" - in place of this phrase, "Uítu gunoímen." The explanation reads as such: Epsilon-Iota/Theta-Epsilon /Gamma-Epsilon-Nu-Omicron-Iota/ Mu-Eta-Nu"

Which still means little to me - (It's all Greek to me...?) - ideas, thoughts translations? Again, please share.

UPDATE: No, I have no idea what "Uítu gunoímen" translates to... if you know, please share.

Excerpts from "Grantchester" by Rupert Brooke, May 1912

"Uítu gunoímen . . . would I were
In Grantchester, in Grantchester! -- -
Some, it may be, can get in touch
With Nature there, or Earth, or such.
And clever modern men have seen
A Faun a-peeping through the green,
And felt the Classics were not dead,
To glimpse a Naiad's reedy head,
Or hear the Goat-foot piping low: . . .
But these are things I do not know.
I only know that you may lie
Day long and watch the Cambridge sky,
And, flower-lulled in sleepy grass,
Hear the cool lapse of hours pass,
Until the centuries blend and blur
In Grantchester, in Grantchester. . . .
Still in the dawnlit waters cool
His ghostly Lordship swims his pool,
And tries the strokes, essays the tricks,
Long learnt on Hellespont, or Styx.
Dan Chaucer hears his river still
Chatter beneath a phantom mill.
Tennyson notes, with studious eye,
How Cambridge waters hurry by . . .

God! I will pack, and take a train,
And get me to England once again!
For England's the one land, I know,
Where men with Splendid Hearts may go;
And Cambridgeshire, of all England,
The shire for Men who Understand;
And of that district I prefer
The lovely hamlet Grantchester."

For entire text, click here

photo by l. perkowski

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Impatient to read

As an unofficial 10-year boy, I'm fidgeting in my seat, banging my foot against floor, tapping my pencil incessently and all worked up to read this book. Whales and snails and puppy-dog tails - not to mention how to build a go-cart.

Read an excerpt here.

UPDATE: For those who question my unofficial/official boy-ness...

I got the HANDBOOK.

So there...

Friday, June 1, 2007

Oh yeah...

Well I have Christopher Walken's HEAD.

circa August 2001


You know what I haven't done in a while...?

...ridden a carousel.

That sounds like fun.