Apologies...

I have been a lazy lazy horrible terribly distracted awful blogger.

I just took a new job, and in my infinite wisdom/over-estimation of abilities, I am also continuing to work for my previous employer until the end of their fiscal year, which happens on June 30.

And I was putting together a benefit for the latter and coordinating a federal grant application (due June 11) for the former - so yes, excuses excuses... lazy lazy horrible terribly distracted awful blogger.

I haven't so much as cut out another heart... but I have been thinking over some concepts to realize.

So about the hearts...

I recently was directed to a blogger at Frantic Writings. Here's an example of what he's all about...

"Tuesday my case goes to the Cleveland Clinic to see if I qualify for a heart transplant. All in all I’d have to say that’s pretty fucked up. I still can’t believe that I need a new heart."

Here is my reaction...

I cried a little... well, I cried alot - it was that kind of hacking simpering coughing donkey-bray of a cry that comes when a totally foreign reality clicks instantaneously with your own unrelated thought processes.

I've been doing alot of that since the end of '02...the littlest triggers set things in motion - mostly stories about loss of control or a complete change of plan or unmet expectations.

Anyway, he writes about this juxtaposition between experiencing a great joy and facing a great challenge and seems to plunge from one level of Maslow's Hierarchy to a much lower one in an instant.

It just hit the right nerve... and tears... and hiccupping... it was all quite sloppy.

I've really grown to hate how much loss of control there is in aging... or in simply being a human for so long that if you had a good run at one time, its really easy for the magnet to flip from positive to negative. And the realization that our bodies and minds are machines that wear down and have parts that should be re-called - it's all quite discouraging.

So after reading his posts, I considered him, someone I don't know and someone I am unlikely to meet, as I cut out hearts for the first round of my series...

And I cut out about 30 of them... big, small...hearts to be hung out to dry... hearts to be mounted like trophies and insect specimens... hearts in nests hatching beautiful things...

And I kept thinking about the theoretical heart and the physical heart and how we talk about broken hearts all the time without the reality of having experienced a literal Broken Heart with its wheezing and arrhythmia and unbalanced-ness.

Anyway... I as I thought about this man with a Broken Heart, I was imagining a store where he could go and there would be stacks and stacks of hearts... real working, replacement hearts like Wonka's factory or a Target... or even just a field... with a good crop of strong, healthy hearts and an abundance so great that you could choose to be picky.

Maybe even stock up with a couple extra - you know... "just in case."

How great would it be to have an inventory of spare hearts in the basement?

You could...
*pass them out to friends
*keep them on hand for emergencies
*give them to panhandlers
*have one for different needs: athletic heart, sacrificial heart, snow-blower heart
*you could mail it around the world and it would come back smarter and stronger
*you could keep one in its original packing and sell it on eBay as "mint condition" - no scars, no baggage, no clots, blockages or stints.

The possibilities are endless. So much is caught up in love and symbolism of hearts... it leaves me speechless.

I'm just very glad I was introduced to his blog, it's good for inspiration - and I like to think that as I work on each piece, he's got a bit of good juju (and hopefully a working heart) coming to him in each one.