Friday, April 25, 2008

1 am

it's 1:30 am and i'm suffering from having something caffeinated to drink at 8pm.

my blood is bouncing and my skin is twitching.

thoughts are racing through my head...

I'm 8 years away from 40.
Why have I stayed in Cleveland.
Do I really not want to get married, or do I simply believe an elaborate justification built up over years of being disappointed by men and assuming its my fault.
How can I gain the power position in a relationship.
Why am I all ideas and less follow-through.
Why do I persist most at the things that cause the least good.
Why can't I stop drinking Coke Zero.
Where did my optimism go.
Why did my dad not catch the symptoms of cancer sooner.
Will I ever be out of debt.
Are my degrees worth anything.
Do I sabotage things without knowing it.
Am I a bad person.
Will I ever be skinny.
Will things work out with M.
Will things work out with J.
Will things work out with... TBD.
Will I lose my job and live at the poverty line again.
If I get sick, who'll take care of me.
Is it possible to balance independence with companionship.
Do I deserve both.
When K moves back to town, will I continue to let her treat the current me like the 12 year old me.
If I become less complacent, will I have to find new friends.
Will I ever have tea in the Sahara.
Will I ever learn to surf.
When will my tax refund get here.

You get the idea...

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