Trying something new

For years I had jobs that were physical. Despite my own misgivings about my body's aesthetic, I always knew I could count on my muscles and bones to lift, hold and balance me. It was distinct sense of truly inhabiting my physical self. And, now, in my office job, it's a sense I miss.

I've come to believe that a disconnect from the body is a disconnect from something deeper and I've come to the conclusion that I will now decidedly inhabit my own skin.

For years I've had fantasies of being a dancer: ballet, jazz, modern... maybe a gymnast? The grace and solid carriage of being they have has always awed me, and I need to stop daydreaming and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Around mid-December, I received an email blast from a local modern dance studio for a show at CPT, the concept resonated with me, as did the fact that they are located in my neighborhood and have a beginners' class on Monday nights.

So tonight, I arrived with a bottle of water, a good deal of resolve and oodles of trepidation. Luckily, it was a small class: me, the teacher, and a dancer in town for the show. It was moderately difficult, with the alignment of the body proving most challenging. By the end I was remembering... is it "combinations" in modern dance?

I walked home on this unseasonably warm evening, thinking about how my back stays tall when I walk, how to align my feet to hips, and my hips to my shoulders.

I had this thought about 4 years ago that I would be my most healthy and most athletic in my 40s, and here I am, 31, and a modern dance class has begun to break down the 4-year silent estrangement between my mind and my body. Hurrah for resolve!