Friday, August 15, 2008

Righteous indignation - be gone!

So I'm starting therapy on Tuesday. I've been before, but more for career counseling and less for personal fixing. There's quite a bit going on that could seriously use an objective viewpoint: parents, self-perception, relationships, blah blah blah.

But one of thing I really need to get some feedback on is my righteous indignation.

I get that way, more often than not, when dealing with strangers in a public place.
Especially if we're moving.
Moving is the worst.
Things that trigger it the most... ROAD RULES.

I'm not a perfect driver, not even close.
But I've never viewed it as a competition either.
I let people merge, I wait for pedestrians when it's a "Walk" and I wait for the person ahead of me in the parking garage to park without riding up them in a rush.

And yes, sometimes, when I'm in a hurry, it's teeth-grindingly annoying.
But, whatever - rules of the road.

ANYWAY - the righteous indignation.
Because I follow the rules of the road, I get REALLY REALLY RAGEY when I see someone blatantly ignoring them.
Take for instance pedestrians on their way to the Indians game.
I've been dodging those goddamned Indians fans all week.
And I've HAD IT.

Tonight, left turn arrow for me, "Don't Walk" for them and a pack of them cross.
And I know that's not remotely the best response.
But goddamn it, I wait (with eye-rolling from friends) until the sign says "Walk."

I'm not pissed because they're not following the rules, I'm pissed because despite my own urge to not look like an idiot waiting for a long light, I wait. And I look like an idiot.
But I know the one time I walk, I'm gonna be in the wrong and staring at the business end of a bus I didn't see.
And I know that my imminent squish would be my own fault.

But this pack - they shook their fists and looked at me - a car - on a road - with a green arrow - as though I was driving across their front lawn and headed for picture window.

How can I be possibly be wrong in BOTH scenarios?
And yet, I feel that I am.

That is the core of the rage and righteous indignation.
As the ped, it's my fault if I get hit, but turn the tables and I'm still apparently at fault.

So yes, therapy.
Less taking things personally - less stress - more good.
I can't wait.

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