STILGENBLOGGER

History

2011-07-14T22:11:00.018-05:00

The family mythology on my mother's side was that we came to the U.S. as fine English gardeners to a rarefied family in Cleveland.

This summer, I was at my grandmother's and found this album filled with images that provided us with unprecedented access into their lives.

I followed them as they worked in the greenhouse...

Climbed up onto the roof...

Took part in a summer fair...

and danced around a maypole.

Fell in love...

and played.

Finished (and unfinished) Woolly Goodness

2011-03-12T17:34:00.025-05:00

The LuniSolar legwarmers are getting there. But they've taken a backseat to a few other projects.

Like this hat.

A note on the silhouettes - the couple on the left are my grandparents, and the toddler on the right is yours truly.

How lovely is this hat? It looks delightful with the green trench coat I wear in spring.

I recently finished the colorwork turtleneck.

As a result, I'm increasingly grateful to designers for thinking out nitsy details like sleeve and neck circumference. These are the things that caught me off guard, since this project was the knitting equivalent to a solo jam-session.

I haven't taken it off since I finished it last week....

And why should I? It looks awesome.

Since I don't feel right unless there's a sweater on the needles, I started this modular sweater. Each pentagon is created separately, and knit from the outside in.

Someone at knitting made the comment that it was like book chapters, creating a natural place to stop at the end of an evening. I agree, but it still doesn't keep me from knitting past my bedtime.

It probably doesn't make sense to show it laid out like this, but it's a sweater, I swear.

Aerialist-in-training

2011-02-27T22:37:00.014-05:00

When most people create their 30-something fitness goal, it seems that it always includes running and ends in "-thon."

So not my style.

But yoga is my style and I'm at the point where strength is my greatest hurdle.
I also realized that I am a frustrated acro/gymnast/balancing artist.
With barely any balance to speak of.

I looked into finding a suspended yoga class, but alas, there are none that were easily found. What I found was aerial silks.

I've been at it since mid-January. We do it when we can, since the teacher is a medical resident and has a wonky schedule. But I love the class and it's motivation for building strength. I'm not too terribly impressive, but I'm learning...

Climbing...

Wrapping for something called "Man in the Moon"

Hip lock...

Splits...

Crazy, right?

You all can keep your "-thons," I prefer to defy gravity.

Legwarmers

2011-02-05T19:10:00.009-05:00

I actually finished something!

Apparently I need an external goal to urge me forward these days. Something akin to, "yoga - on Friday." I finished these Thursday and packed them up to wear the next day.
I really love these. And tried my hand at a self-portrait the mimics those in the pattern book.

I admit that I am quite self-conscious about my legs. Strong and flexible as they are, they just don't quite look the way I'd like them to. It was a big step to willingly photograph and post these. But the final piece was so lovely, it eclipsed the concern I had that you'd all be judging my cankles. Please don't judge my cankles.

I did indeed start the Lunisolar legwarmers Thursday evening. They look beautiful so far, and the yarn is a joy to work with.

Happy New Year!

2011-02-03T21:08:00.011-05:00

In celebration of the Chinese New Year, the universe thrust some lovely red Madeline Tosh merino yarn in front of me and I did not ignore it.

I finished my dove grey legwarmers tonight, and love them so much that I decided to go ahead and knit another pair (I do attend two, sometimes three, yoga classes a week). Both pair come from my current pattern book of choice, Knitted Socks East and West.

So I will meditate on the coming year as I knit and send thought of luck, love, and abundance to all those I know and love.

Acute Startitis

2011-01-30T13:44:00.019-05:00

Between the cold, the snow and the basement full of yarn, I developed a wicked case of knitting startitis. Instead of blithely working through to the end of a project, you find yourself casting on one thing after another, forgetting the truth that an idea does not a finished project make.

The most recent manifestation.
Legwarmers.

That's right.
Legwarmers.

I walk to yoga after work and I hate that I've not been able to wear my capri-length pants without looking like a fool or freezing.

So, legwarmers.
They'll look like knee-high socks, and I'm using an interesting pattern that I've modified for worsted weight yarn.

I've gotten fairly far on the new colorwork sweater. I have no idea what came over me to start something else, but I don't think it's worth analyzing. Either way, parts of me will be warm and stylish.

See.
Warm AND Stylish.

Dig those pink plaid pants.

And the lovely cashmere top that's been eclipsed by a riot of color, lace and distraction.

Sorry - I'm come back to you.

I promise.

The hazards of moral hazard

2011-01-25T21:14:00.024-05:00

I’ve been thinking quite a lot about how, when or even if I will participate in another romantic relationship.

I’ve a long history of not-so-good experiences with men. I view so many of them as negative because I have long maintained a core belief that relationships, at least the more serious ones, are basically an exercise in analytics and economic concepts. Efforts you put in place to ensure that the initial chemistry goes unsullied by fights about things that are actually fights about other things. It turns out I'm somewhat rare in this belief. Although not as rare as I would have thought...

Anyway, lacking a good base in economics, I only recently came to the realization that these were solid and established concepts. I would go to great lengths to develop metaphors in order to explain myself, only to have someone point out to me that the last half hour of baroque language could be summed up as "sunk costs."

Take for, example, Moral Hazard.

Moral hazard occurs when a party insulated from risk behaves differently than it would behave if it were fully exposed to the risk.

Moral hazard arises because an individual or institution does not take the full consequences and responsibilities of its actions, and therefore has a tendency to act less carefully than it otherwise would, leaving another party to hold some responsibility for the consequences of those actions.

This particular one resonates with me, not only because I tend to be a pushover with men when it comes to demanding much of... anything. But also because it gives me that high you get from righteous indignation. (Am I right?)

We've long since lost any sort of robust social infrastructure that disincentives bad dating behavior, so now everybody is pretty much free to be awful to everybody else without consequence. Aside from the emotional leftovers of last year, weakened moral hazard is big part of why I've sidelined myself from any opportunity - reactive and proactive - to experience romance. I just don't care to open that door right now.

And I just keep seeing example after example of individuals who are merely seeking to find solid ground in their relationship being... ignored, undermined, blown off, and sometimes outright disrespected, because their own perspectives and demands no longer carry weight and it's ceased to be acceptable for a third party (hopefully objective) to come in and point out the problem.

I assume we’re all equally guilty of suppressing that fantasy where you confront an individual in defense of someone close to your heart who is: taken for granted; used as a doormat; or being strung along. There are hundreds of conversations I’ve not had with the past, current and future partners of people in my life.

I can't help but wonder if maybe we were in the habit of holding people accountable for their bad dating/marriage behavior, maybe, just maybe, there would be less of it. Strengthened moral hazard = less weasely behavior.

In my earlier dating life, I would have dissolved into a panic if my friends or family dared to step in to my romantic life, but now, now I would love to have some panic button, some way to call out the cavalry, led by an imaginary southern aunt who would come face to face with the offending chap in a not-to-be-interrupted rant that would go something like this:

“Now boy, I hear you’ve been avoidin’ makin’ a firm commitment to our girl? Now why is that, pray tell? Is our baby girl not good enough for you? Do you mean to tell me that after months of pitchin’ woo in such a brazen and public manner that would dare to back-peddle about what the intentions of those actions truly were. Do you think I was born yesterday, boy? Now it’s one thing to change your mind about something, but I would like to assume you were brought up with enough sense to know when you have gone a mile too far and son, I will tell you that at this point, you done passed that mile about three states back and your horse is about to die from exhaustion. I know you weren’t raised up to be wild hooligan, so how about you make your momma proud and dig deep into that cavernous mind of yours and bring to bear some of the more gentlemanly behaviors we expect of our men folk ‘round here.”

See that, THAT, would be that kind of thing that would strengthen moral hazard.

But I do not have a southern aunt capable of letting my suitors know that I am not to be trifled with. And frankly, I do not see how simply adopting and enforcing stringent rules about what constitutes “good dating behavior” is going to turn me into anything but a ball-busting nag.

So I'm just staying out of the game for the time being.

But now and then, I do indulge in what I would want when I find someone new with whom I share chemistry. It would look something like this...

To be able to stop the inevitable emotionally-charged conversation with, "Wait. This isn't about ___________. Can we figure out what this is really about?"
To know that he understands that emotionally-charged conversations are fairly commonplace in emotionally-charged relationships, and frankly, represent a good way to quickly identify issues that could continue to cause problems.
To willingly face those issues as you would face any other challenge: with research, data, trial-and-error and logical decision-making.
To understand that doing this doesn't negate the chemistry and fun of a relationship - it tends to shorten the laundry list of Things That Cause Tension, which actually leaves more time and energy for all the fun stuff that we're all looking for from another person.
To think it's adorable that I want to distill the logistics of a happy and healthy relationship to economic concepts and understands exactly what I mean when I talk about how weak moral hazard leads to bad dating experiences, and then proceeds to tell me about the time when asymmetric information led to a truly awful first date a couple of years ago...

Sick Day Knitting

2011-01-18T20:22:00.009-05:00

Caught a nasty cold, stayed home yesterday: drinking soup, knitting, sneezing, more sneezing, some weezing and snuffling, more knitting and even more sneezing.

Aces.

MeMeMeMeMeMeMeMe

2011-01-16T22:08:00.007-05:00

I was thinking about what to write, and I keep coming up with the same dilemma - do I continue the navel-gazing pseudo-psychology mumbo-jumbo? Or do I have the stones to share what I've been thinking about the current mess of politics? But I'm just not sure how my voice could add value to the discussions already taking place.

I am an expert (in progress) on me, but I know only bits and pieces about politics. Same for economics. And alternative energies. And the hundreds of other things I read about in my free time. I refrain from bringing these things up and weighing in on them because I am aware of how little I understand regarding the nuance and subtlety of these subjects.

Case in point - Ohio Politics...
After increasing the pay for his senior staff, Gov. Kasich decreased the salary of an Administrative Assistant from $35,000 to $23,000. As of late 2010, $23,000 was 212% of poverty for a household of one. At 200% or less ($21,660), one becomes eligible for energy assistance and a variety of other federal and state subsidies. I am appalled. I am outraged.

But I also don't know the whole story. I assume it's one person getting a life-altering pay cut, but what if he's hiring some supporter's wealthy spouse/child/relative into the role? It certainly provokes a different negative response. Or what if that person has requested unpaid leave? Or a decrease in hours? I don't know these details and I haven't seen them listed anywhere. So I don't tend to consider things like that here.

My job is all about detail, finding references and data and double-checking them - so in my free-time writing, it's easier to ignore these things and focus on the only thing I feel I can speak to with some authority - Me.
What you get is a truly self-centered blog. Which is probably a good reflection of who I am right now. Not terribly proud of it - but I'm totally willing to cop to it.

So, increase my expert opinion on me where there can be no wrong answer? - Or go into more effort to discuss the rest of world and risk being wrong?

Hmmm, maybe my next post should delve into my fear of being wrong...

The Audacity of "No"

2011-01-10T22:27:00.012-05:00

Despite a constant treadmill of thoughts, analysis, and decision-making that actually occurs in my life, I realize that I haven’t been delving into anything of any real substance here. So I’m going to try to put some of it down into words.

That was the whole point of this project in the first place. It was somewhere to chronicle my experience so I could go back to it, somewhere I could put my thoughts – clear or jumbled. This isn’t for you, reader; it’s for me. In the rush of doing, I’ve neglected to document, and I’m going to try and remedy that.

So… where’s my head is these days? I’ve adjusted to my new job, adjusted to my new habitat, adjusted to my not-so-new solitary state. I seem to be focused on attaining larger goals through denial - which is odd for me. I’m not a “no” kind of girl. I spent the whole of my twenties saying yes: to food, to purchases, to ill-advised romantic entanglements. It was a decade characterized by experience for the sake of experience. No real goal – just living in the moment and placing the consequences of actions in that box over there labeled “Later." I placed blame for uncomfortable or unattained things on vague externalities and ran off in random directions to see if that thing over there was better than what I currently had.

But that started to change, in small degrees, when I went back to school for my Masters. I was 28 at the time. It was a true challenge, since I used to hate writing. I hated process and methodical anything. I was rash, impatient, impetuous, impertinent, and stubborn. I wanted to jump from idea to conclusion without bothering with the middle bit. But I was determined to succeed, so I learned to make lists, think through things and start tackling projects with smaller steps. I learned that I had the strength to ignore distraction and meet procrastination halfway.

A bit of fallout from the degree and time that came before was debt.

When one is rash, impatient, impetuous, impertinent, and stubborn, one tends to gather debt. There is no such thing as “saving up” nor is there the inclination to deny oneself anything. So I just kept adding to the debt with the belief that one day I would be able to painlessly manage it.

But that was only one of a litany of unrealistic expectations. I assumed that by 31 years of age I would have traveled the world. I would have a small wardrobe of clothes tailored to a body that was much different from the one I was actually lugging around. I would have the mutual and unwavering love and adoration of a brilliant man. There was no plan for how I would achieve any of these goals – they were just goals.

I think I may have actually believed that one day I would wake up and magically things would have fallen into place overnight. My bank account would always be overflowing (without having to attend to it), my body would reflect years of tireless training (without sacrificing the time), my soulmate would be at the ready (without having to search for him or compromise anything.) Instead, I was carrying around a decade worth of plane tickets, suits for interviews, the GRE, entertainment, gas bills and groceries – my past was keeping the present from happening.

In fall 2007, I saw the debt was becoming a problem that could no longer be ignored. I firmly said, “STOP.” And thus began the time of fiscal austerity in earnest. I stayed put to save money, I cancelled all my credit cards, I created a budget and learned to tell myself no.

That final bit, the learning to tell myself no, was hard.

Is hard.

So very, very hard.

But “No” seems to be working for me. I am nearing the end of my debt. By late spring, my car and consumer debt will be 100% retired.

Since I seem to be doing so well with these self-imposed austerity measures, I went ahead and decided to return to vegetarianism - something I left behind long ago when I lost the willpower to deny myself Dad's barbecue. Then I decided to tackle the weight thing, with a fairly high degree of success.

Now, before you get to thinking I’m all smug with my almost-retired debt and loose pants, know this. There is a price to be paid – there’s always a price to be paid – and that price is the word “No.”

I hate that word.

I want that word to die and to go to hell.

Despite how well that word is working out for me, I hate it. Hate it hate it hate it.

Daily – Daily! - I say “No” to myself exponentially more times than I say yes. And I have ADHD, so imagine how many disjointed ideas, thoughts and concepts are freely bouncing around while my pre-frontal cortex is left cowering in the corner.

But ugh!, “No” – that word pulls the plug on indulgence and makes the hubristic assumption that there will be another day to travel, another cupcake to eat, another man to love. Saying "No" in the present in order to have delayed gratification means you truly believe that the day will come when you will reap your reward. And for some reason, I have to work really hard at that.

I see Now and I see vague, blurry Tomorrow – but this whole attainable future thing to almost too much for my head and heart to handle. I come from fatalistic stock - a people who assume the worst and can pick out the one grey, gloomy cloud in perfectly blue sky. I have an authentic optimistic streak, but at my deepest, darkest core, I seem hold a belief that It Will All End in Tears - so eat the god damned cupcake, kiss that questionable boy, and put it on the credit card, since you may not even be here tomorrow.

So I'm treating this as an experiment. I've traded the small and ill-advised indulgences of the present for restraint that will bring me a greater measure of freedom and health in future I can't yet imagine.

The Good, the Unexpected and the Bad

2011-01-09T23:22:00.009-05:00

Every day I discover more interesting changes as a result of the weight loss...

The Good:
I can do more yoga poses. I kept my strength, but decreased my mass, so it takes less effort to do more. And less volume means I can do binds and a deeper plow pose.

The Unexpected:
Some of my shoes are too big now. I never thought of feet as appendages that gain or lose volume with weight loss.

The Bad:
I've switched to a smaller bra.
Damn.
My boobs were always a feature I felt consistently good about.
Here's to hoping that sentiment will extend to an increased roster of parts.

I can't say enough positive things about this process, but I also have twinges of guilt that "Too much food" is the problem I face. I exist in such a unique time and place in the world, when a legitimate personal challenge includes learning how to fight the evolutionary and biological directive to eat as much sugar and fat as possible.

Forecast: Quick and dirty is relative.

2011-01-05T20:25:00.012-05:00

So this pattern has been in my Ravelry queue for ages. After finishing the Urban Mandarin, I needed a quick and dirty sweater. When I added it to the queue, it seemed terribly daunting... the bobbles, the cable, the dramatic sleeve decrease, the all purled construction. (sneer)

I started it December 12, finished it on January 2nd.
Not too shabby.

Picked out some vintage buttons from my stash, 10 that turned to 9 when one was sacrificed to that place where things that you swear you just had mysteriously disappear.

I mentioned in my last post that I got red glasses and provided no visual evidence.
So this is that.

See, red glasses. And a model train over my shoulder - there, to the right.

Knitting is very serious business.
Look how very serious I am about my knitting.

Or maybe I'm about to throw down.
I can't tell.
It's a bit unnerving, really.

Here's what it would look like if it were a vest.

Not that that was an option, but the light in that bathroom was just really good.

Saving face

2010-12-28T22:36:00.006-05:00

So this Weight Watchers thing is working and my face is starting to show it.

To celebrate, I got new glasses: wide, rectangular ones - red, with a swooping silver architectural accent at the sides.
It's also time for a new haircut, so I had a consultation with a stylist. The topics ranged from bangs to color to growing out strategies. Scintillating stuff, I tell you. But I've had the same damn cut, in varying permutations, since 2006. I hoped to walk away from the consult with direction - a change to look forward to based on professional direction. But alas, it's still up to me.

So I searched online... for bangs, for bangs with glasses, for side swept bangs and swooping bangs. For fringe bangs and blunt bangs, even hipster bangs.

The question they all posed was the same, "What shape is your face?"
I don't know.
Face-shaped, I guess.

Square.

I measured.
It's SQUARE.

But... I'm in good company.
Kristin Scott Thomas.
Isabella Rossellini.
Jodie Foster.
We of wide, angular jaws and broad foreheads.

And I have a fabulous forehead (all the better for protecting my amazing pre-frontal cortex).
Can I really make a case for covering it up with bangs?
No lines to speak of (yet). No cystic acne scars.
Just a vast, clear plane of lily-white smoothness. And I say this with such poetic fervor because I am only now realizing the worth of such a feature.

But I also know the worth and power that comes from drastic external change. Given the breadth and depth of the mental and emotional changes I experienced 2010, it's fitting that I find a way to present them to the world.

I spilled into 2010 as an almost amorphous thing, my edges blurring into the people and world around me. But I've since laid out stricter perimeters, gained edges, and know absolutely where I end and others begin.

So. How do I translate that into a haircut...?

A pretty good week overall...

2010-12-01T21:54:00.007-05:00

I finished the lion's share of the Urban Mandarin Sweater.

It's been a hell of a slog... through Spring's upset, Summer's uncertainty, Autumn's changes and now that Winter is settling in, I'm eager to face 2011 with a sweater born of persistence and patience.

And even a little destruction. See, you have to steek it, or cut it, before you finish it.
Scary business, steeking.

In other news, I weighed in today and learned I was a mere 3 oz short of my first goal - losing 5% of my starting body weight. I won't share what that actually was (a lady has to keep some things to herself).

To wrap up, this week there is 5% less of me, but at least 5% more of the sweater.
And I think that's an excellent trade off.

Meltaway

2010-11-21T18:44:00.012-05:00

One of the perks of working for a healthcare institution is that they prioritize preventative care and wellness - so much so that it's harder work to make unhealthy choices than healthy ones.
There's no sugar soda available, and the on-site options stress whole grains, low fat and low sodium. And they offer free Weight Watchers.

Ok, so a bit about me and size. I have been of greater than average size for my height since I was about 9 years old. I was never athletic, but I wasn't a slug, either. I've always been active, and relied mostly on activity to keep my weight in check, since I never really felt that I ate an unhealthy diet. In fact, I've often been somewhat proud of my weight, since 98% of those who find out what it is blanche because it's a number we have incredibly low expectations for, expectations that I shatter.

So I carry it well - yay me.

When I get tired of it or stumble into some motivator for change, I would join a gym and live there 4-5 days a week. Elliptical, weight training, 2000 meters in the pool - I would do it all and put everything else on hold for 3 months to lose a hard-earned 15-20 lbs.

So I joined Weight Watchers at work to see what it was all about. I had low expectations for losing weight through diet and figured if I came out 5-7 lbs smaller in January, that would be good enough.

Well.

I'm midway though week four and have lost 8 lbs without single visit to the gym. Yoga, of course, continues twice a week - and since I've been at it long enough for the flexibility stuff to be easy, I've asked my instructors to challenge me to gain strength (it's totally working, too. I can get into, hold, and come out of wheel pose without shaking. My goal... firefly.)

I found a pedometer outside my building (with instructions!) and have been making an effort to get to the suggested 10,000 steps. I average 7,000, but I can get to 8,200 without trying too hard. And I think that's the point. I want to make a change, but one that doesn't hijack my existing stable of interests.

I value my time and the things I normally do with it: knitting, reading, exploring, spending time with friends, cooking, and tinkering - all things that are generally at odds with being at the gym or highly active. I'm sure I could listen to books on my iPod or get my friends to go on a long hike with me - but history tells me that's a long shot.

I value Thin, but inconsistently. I highly value it when I come back from a store where they didn't have my size or the things in my size were unflattering. Or when I thought that Thin would make my life better. But that was a different time - pre-Physicist, pre-career-change, and pre-Oh-my-goodness-my-life-is-really-pretty-great-what-am-I-complaining-about. Lacking that high value on Thin, I just haven't had the incentive to sacrifice all that other great stuff to a gym membership.

Surprisingly, Weight Watchers allows me both: I clearly see the road to Thin without sacrificing the things I usually give up to slog my way to a measly 10% reduction in body mass. Based on how I'm doing so far, the ultimate goal they set (based on BMI - but don't get me started on that measure) seems totally doable - scary as hell (because what happens when you actually get the thing you thought would both a) change your life and b) be impossible to achieve without fundamentally changing who you are.) - but doable.

Here's to shattered expectations...

Random act of Charming

2010-11-08T22:15:00.012-05:00

This afternoon, I needed to run a cross-campus errand. It was a clear, crisp fall day - full sun and blue sky. I was wearing my sweet knitted beret and my blazer that invokes a 1960s boys school uniform. Perfect. Collegiate. Lovely. I likely had a spring in my step and twinkle in my eye.
As I crossed the street, there were a couple of landscaping fellows on their industrial riding mowers and one nodded to me, so I smiled and nodded back.

He was ahead of me on the sidewalk and kept looking back, which was cute... and flattering... and evidently filled me with hutzpah - as well as a bit of cheekiness to boot.

I came up the crosswalk and stood next to him while we waited for the light to change, so I turned to him and made some comment about wishing I had my rollerblades so I could hitch a ride. His reply was to offer me a ride across the street (the seat was a bit of a bench, room enough for two).

"Okay!"

*hop*

I had my own Patrick-Dempsey-on-a-lawnmover-"Can't-Buy-Me-Love" moment... (sans cowboy hat and sunset)

We got to the other side, I disembarked, laughed, thanked him and walked on.

In the middle of the work day, sometimes a girl just needs a blue sky, a lawnmower and a mysterious chauffeur.

Getting settled

2010-11-07T21:24:00.011-05:00

I'm finally digging into my new home, getting things put away and tinkering with my environment.

I want my little cottage (850 sq ft) to be homey, but lack much of the clutter than plagued me in my teeny apartment (485 sq ft).

A great deal of this was achieved through deaccessioning - it felt great to get rid of this and that - although I have the heirloom guilt in spades, exacerbated by being the child and granddaughter of makers.

Knowing I was coming into a large space, I braced myself and made it very clear what I would and would not accept, and so far, it's working.

I'm attempting to make due with mostly used or family items (sectional from Craigslist, Knoll chair from my old office, etagere made by my grandfather, rocking chair from my great-grandparents'), but I'll admit I have purchased a few new things as a result of the drunken fog of aesthetic reverie (curtains, lamp, dreaming of a rug from CB2).

The fun has been in finding ways to showcase those items I've had squirreled away, unsure of how to work them into my life but hesitant to release them back into the free market.

This kimono, for example.

Lovely, handpainted silk; I purchased it a Unique Thrift on Half-Price Monday for about $5. I was working at a museum at the time, and my urge to save all the poor helpless items of beauty was in full effect. It was folded in tissue paper with almost maternal affection and put in the closet, safe from rays of light, degradation of acid, and all the things that break down organic material (e.g., everything everywhere).

I couldn't give it up, so I was determined to bring it out in the new home. Somehow, I managed to amass a collection of thing accented in red with a vaguely Japanesque quality, so those things went in the bedroom. Among those items were two vintage Japanese paper lanterns, and Kt-friend suggested the following course of action:

Yeah, so that's a branch.
Screwed to the wall.
With lanterns.

Kind of college-sophomore crazy, but I dig it.

Random things I learned at my new job

2010-11-02T20:09:00.018-05:00

1.0 Toward is American English, Towards is British English.
2.0 The grant review processes for research dollars is not exactly what one would call "objective."
3.0 There is more jargon is the world than my mind can possibly process.
3.1 Social determinants of health
3.2 Endpoint
3.3 MUA/P
3.4 Overweight as noun, as in "to decrease overweight and obesity."
3.5 Endless alphabet soup: NIH; CLABSI; Rx, Dx, Tx; M&M; BRCA1; MMTV-neu mouse; etc...
4.0 U.S.News & World Report always, always, always looks like a typo.
5.0 Doctors don't hold elevators - even in the parking garage - after work.
5.1 Nurses always look angry. Now I understand why.
6.0 The Shoreway is the best commuter route in Northeast Ohio.
6.1 We have the best sunrises and sunsets in October.
6.2 There are always kite fliers at Edgewater - even at 7 am.
6.3 I still haven't seen the surfers, but I'm optimistic.
7.0 Dansko clogs are not considered work-appropriate attire.
7.2 But cowboy boots go unmentioned.
8.0 The money really does go to patient care.
8.1 Because we're still working with an early 90s donor database that reminds me of the Flying Toaster screensaver.
9.0 Despite warnings that it would, my printer does not actually jam when I re-use paper.
9.1 It's called recycling.
9.2 Deal with it.
10.0 If things that cured cancer in mice could cure cancer in humans, we'd have that checked off the To Do list by now.

My new life

2010-11-01T20:06:00.009-05:00

My goodness...Is this thing still on?

So I have this new life now.
New job in a new sector, new home in a new neighborhood, and new habits that go with my new surroundings and I am about a billiondy times less anxious because I proved to myself that the status quo I was mired in could be escaped.

So now, my lazy butt gets up at 6:15, out the door at 7:15 and is often the first one at work (!).

I'm back to regular yoga, at work this time. We have class in a pavilion 9 floors up overlooking the city and lake - I actually get to do sun salutations toward the sun.

I started walking with the Cleveland Hiking Club - with a goal to be capable of handling some significant hikes in the next few years.

I also started Weight Watchers at work, because hell, it's FREE, and since my working environment is generally lacking temptation, it's that much easier to stick to the plan.

I chose my neighborhood because it's walkable and can you believe it, actually I walk a good deal of the time. I am a bit concerned about winter - not because of the cold and snow, but because I haven't yet gauged how safe it is to walk alone after dark and I know it will soon be getting dark at 5pm (shudder).

The thing I lost in all this is flexibility. I can no longer adjust to work flow and take care of this and that during the work day. My evenings are for errands and paying bills, making lunches and ironing. My weekends are for all those things I couldn't dash out at lunch to do because it would take longer than 1 hour.

So it's certainly a trade off, but in this city and in this economy, I am happy to have a job I enjoy at a place I respect with perks I could only dream of (Did I mention yoga!). So I raise my glass to change, and hope I'll be posting here a bit more now that things have settled into a very pleasant routine.

Crazy-making

2010-08-19T20:52:00.009-05:00

Because starting a new job in a completely different sector isn't change enough, I decided to move within the first month.

I've been in my tiny apartment for 11 years - ok, 1 month short of my 11 year rent-a-versary in 400 sq ft of urban treehouse.

But living in a destination neighborhood has finally worn me out.
Parking's a pain, my stairs are too much for my family and the whole dang place smells of the steel mill and the asphalt factory.

And it's become painfully clear that my neighborhood values the transient visitors' experience over the residents' (Where else would they fail to figure out resident-only parking. Little Italy, Cleveland Heights and Lakewood figured it out... Tremont, not so much.)

So I'm done - I planned to stay put for a bit and see how the job went, but once I got my offer letter, pretty much nothing could keep me from getting the flock out of town.

I am moving to a place with far more practical things within walking distance - things I do on a regular basis, not once in a while: a grocery store, an artisan bread shop, a yarn store, a yacht club, a natural food store and an entrance to one of the best hiking/biking trails in the region.

I'm still keeping to my small house style, as it's a whopping 850 sq ft.

But it has a porch and a dry basement - newly redone hardwood floors and an Energy Star programmable whole house furnace and AC. A peach tree, grapes and raspberries, lovely natural wood built ins and a DRIVEWAY.

Somewhere in my youth or childhood/
I must have done something good.

Random acts of leafing

2010-08-09T21:14:00.004-05:00

I start my new job in a week - until then, I seem to keep stumbling into people and projects.

This week, goldleafing for the iconographer I worked for years ago.

I forgot how enjoyable (but tiring) goldleafing can be.

And how much fun it is to come home with gold on my forehead.

You swipe the brush across your forehead before you grab the leaf - the oils are just adhesive enough to allow for secure transport of gold from book to canvas (or wood, as the current case requires).

A good day

2010-07-20T13:51:00.007-05:00

Today is a good day.
I just got back from a long weekend in Erie County, visiting my grandmother, picking blueberries and lounging by my cousin's pool each evening.
The best news is that today I got an offer for the job that I have been hoping for.

For better or worse, I've placed a good deal of expectation on this new position.
It provides me the opportunity to switch from art to science.
It focuses my currently broad set of skills into ones that I am keen to hone.
Its (relatively) secure status means that I should be able to finalize my debts pretty much on schedule (March/April now, instead of January/February).
This opens up a whole new world to me.
And the experience of busting my ass to pay off debt makes me that much more hesitant to take on any more.

I feel a sense of freedom mixed in with a healthy dose of security that I haven't felt in a long time. I feel good about my ability to get on with the next phase of my life and grateful that I was able to find employment that - well - kinda changes everything about my career and the direction of my life.

So, today is a good day.

State of Stilgenblogger

2010-07-13T09:54:00.009-05:00

I know that it's been very quiet around here. But it's been a cacophonous madhouse in my head.
2010 is now going to have title, "The Year of Loss" when I'm melancholy, "The Year of Change" when I'm optimistic.

A year ago, I could have sworn I was on a path to follow another person's necessitating moves - and I let my adaptability float to the surface and authentically committed to the notion of being the person who would find work where I needed to, assuming I would be ultimately protected by the inherent safety net of couplehood.

A year ago, my employer had, under the watchful eye of an amazing leader, transformed from an organization with a $300k deficit to one with a $11k surplus - there was no fear of downsizing.

But now...
Now I find myself lacking either security blanket.

I thought I had left this far behind, in the years before my masters degree.

I am better prepared to find work, but my interests have changed greatly.
No longer committed to the arts and culture sector, I feel far more inspired by research and design - emerging technologies and alternative energies, medicine and science and things with precise goals, objectives and outcomes (the playground of the grant proposal writer.)

One of the greatest defining things about me is that I am not a coward.
I have been told more than once that I "Suck marrow" - a statement which modesty rarely allows me to admit, but honesty forces me to acknowledge.

I take chances with my life and career, and my reward is sometimes not so rewarding.
I splash about in waters far deeper than I know how to swim in.
But my reward is knowing I tried.
The worst part about this tack is the righteous indignation.

I am far too keenly aware of how much security I have sacrificed in choosing to follow my whims.
And therefore I am easily frustrated by those I see choosing an "easier" path.
It's not right of me, but it's not wrong either.
It simply is.

Where I stand now is at a cross-roads.
I have sent out a slew of applications, mostly outside the Northeast Ohio region.
I am awaiting word on one position that would be ideal and local, but lacking that, there is a good chance my future lies outside the place I've called home for most of my life.

This is an exciting prospect, but frustrating as well, because I poured all my excess funds to pay off the debts I incurred from the last lay-off 8 years ago. I also closed my credit cards. Scary business, moving to a new city lacking a line of credit.

So maybe 2010 is "The Year of Living Dangerously" or "The Year I Removed my Training Wheels" or "The Year I Moved to _________."

Only time will tell.

In the meantime, I am spending time with friends and family. Reading quite a bit and swimming as much as I can - but also focusing my time on splashing in the deeper waters of my imagined new life in support of research.

I am doing pro-bono writing to strengthen my portfolio, and volunteering for a sustainability office in town.

But mostly, trying very hard not to allow one imagined reality to win out over the others, as I know how much it hurts to see those home movies melt in the projector and fade to black.

Up in smoke

2010-07-10T19:09:00.011-05:00

How many times must a coincidence occur before it becomes a correlation?
And when does correlation become causation?

I ask this because things seem to catch on fire around me.
Not in a metaphorical sense - but in a real char and burn kind of way.

And now I'm just kind of sure it's me.

Case in point.

About, ummm..., 2 hours ago, I was hanging laundry out back.
I heard the hum of the AC next door (a clinic, closed for the weekend) and then my friends, a POP.
It caught my attention.
So I turned and saw THREE FOOT FLAMES - SHOOTING OUT OF THE FUSEBOX.

And smoke.

Lots of smoke.

So 911 was called - trucks pulled up and tall, burly, uniformed men came tumbling out like so much candy from one of those dispensers at the roller rink...

but I digress.

Me and fire - an uneasy propinquity.
In my 20s, it was the lightning storms in Arizona that seemed to follow me - and others noticed.
We'd get together for a nice evening in the park - blue skies and lovely sunset and... cue LIGHTNING STORM.
Then there were the security lights that turned off when I triggered them.
(this still continues - street lights often turn off when I'm near - but maybe that happens to everyone now and then. Right?... RIGHT?!?)

My fire in 2005 showed me without irony how awful electrical fires can be, and that was swiftly followed by my car mysteriously overheating - to the point that it would visibly smoke - and had to be replaced by a new car.

Earlier this year, I caught that familiar whiff of ozone coming from my laptop plug - as it too fried in my presence.

So kids, what gives?

Am I some rare thing that excites molecules to the point of combustibility?

Can I harness this power and use it for good?
To smite my enemies?
To win friends and influence people?
To start awesome (though environmentally nasty) campfires for s'mores and general campin' fun?

June - or - Where has this month gone?

2010-06-17T21:25:00.006-05:00

To a small succulent garden on a recently tidied up backporch.

To a collage of ferns on that same porch.

To a cotton sweater whipped up in 3 days.

And to the coolest pair of socks I've ever made.

Seriously, how cool is that lace?

I got a book that marries western knitting with Japanese techniques - Knitted Socks East and West - and I'm making my way through the patterns. Each one is like a small puzzle - and I love the challenge.

Also this month:
Birthday.
Back to yoga.
Playing happy homemaker making strawberry jam and fresh rolls.
Actively changing the direction of my career.
Phew.

Indicators of a coming Apocalypse

2010-06-01T22:06:00.007-05:00

This never happens.

Ever.

When it's raining frogs and Pi ceases to be 3.14 - don't say I didn't warn you.

Knit Knit Knit

2010-05-31T20:22:00.008-05:00

I finished loads of knitting in the past few months.

The St. Louise Spring Switchback Socks.

These quickly became my favorite spring socks, this fresh spring green color is fast taking over my wardrobe and I don't mind a bit.
The downside of these socks is that the yarn was unknown to me, and I since learned that it tends to felt easily. So I wash them in a Tupperware bowl with a lid, shaking the bezeezus out of it... whilst doing this last time, I had a vision of myself doing most of my wash this way - in a plastic bowl with a good lid. I imagine that when I take the off-the-grid plunge, that will be the best way to clean my undernothings, so I best get practice now.

My Lovely Lavender Cape!

Ok, so there is nothing remotely cape-like about this, but the way it's supposed to be worn renders the wearer truly triangular. If I were unfortunate enough to be transported to Flatland, my appearance in this sweater as designed would label me as one just recently removed from serfdom.
So I changed it up a bit and now it's a great wrappable vest-like thing.

And finally, the DRESS!

I love my dress. The blue yarn is cotton/cashmere and the brown is wool/silk.
I haven't yet worn this, as I cannot find my white short-sleeved blouse to wear under it - but I may need to take it out for a wear anyway.

I love it.

It makes my eyes bluer - and since I'm walking around aware that I knit A DRESS...
~no, wait~
...a dress with the most complicated lace I could ever imagine ~
...out of cotton spun with cashmere ~
...that my eyes sparkle with such accomplishment and grace that one cannot begin to imagine that I have ever felt a twinge of disappointment or imbibed anything but clouds and sunshine and true love.

Dismantling assumptions

2010-05-25T14:34:00.007-05:00

Anytime I begin a project, I start by creating a list of assumptions.
It's something I learned in my Masters program as a way to create context for whatever plan or project you're preparing to launch.

I love a good solid perimeter, and assumptions provide that by defining norms that I can exist within. Lacking those, I lose my confidence, feel unanchored, become a chronic self-doubter and a general nightmare to be around.

I need my assumptions.

Sometimes, they're really helpful, like axioms or postulates.
Here's the tricky bit, when think your assumption is an axiom - or otherwise self-evident and lacking further demonstration - Truth is taken for granted.

If I am entering into something that I expect to get messy, I like to try and set some of these helpful guides - which removes all that tricksy human inconsistency - unless of course, it doesn't.

Then there are the bad assumptions, which is what this post is really about.

I'm looking to redirect my life, career-wise.
And to do that, I have to plow through some serious assumptions. My best friend pointed this out to me this weekend.

We've both limited ourselves through assumption. For me, it's that I let my past define my future.
I think things like, "I will never have a job that pays really well."
I think that mostly because I've never *had* a job that pays really well.

I think that because I only have experience in the arts, that I can only get a job in the arts
(see above about the whole not paying well thing.)

I assume that I cannot live in the markets I want to live in at my current salary, because I assume I will always make my current salary.

I assume that if I work for a corporation, that I will be selling out and lose my soul to corporate machinations.

I assume that the process of finding an appropriate posting outside my experience will be so daunting and awful that I can't bring myself to begin.

Until I did.

Guess what? People need proposal writers.
Lots of people need them.
And internal communications.
And people who can translate data into text and stories.

Guess what I do.

That.

I do loads of that with tight resources and quick turnaround and almost zero support outside of me.

And guess who wants these roles.
People who do awesome things with alternative energies and emerging technologies that I can get behind: Siemens, GE, Philips, and those are just the obvious ones.

Now, these postings, they're in PA and CT and IL and The Netherlands...
I could be in the Netherlands.

How Dutch am I? (Ok, not at all. More Anglo/Austro/Danish/Swiss, but still. I love a tulip.)

Point being - I gotta identify these nasty assumptions and crush them - so I can get on to being someone who isn't expending time and effort on twisting uncomfortably in their steely, suffocating binds.

The tremendous irrationality of Want

2010-05-12T09:52:00.008-05:00

This has little to do with anything.

I bought an awesome sheet set about 7 or more years ago: blue with lavender plaid. Crisp cotton - generally lovely.

So, in my knitting frenzy, I've been watching an episode or two of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Netflix. In Season 5, I noticed that the same sheet set is used regularly in the set dressing.
I see it, I love it and I think, "I WANT those sheets."

Ok - I HAVE those sheets.

How can I be coveting something I already own and am, in fact, making use of at this very moment?

I ask you, what the hell is going on here?

Picking up the pieces

2010-05-05T22:01:00.009-05:00

Break-ups are never easy - even more so when some outdated cultural nonsense is to blame.

So, what's a girl to do?

Knit.

Yarn - Lorna's Laces from my stash (via Laura's stash).
Pattern - modified ridge stitch from the Reader's Digest Complete Guide to Needlework (pilfered from my parent's house.)

And sew.
Fabric - Hobby Lobby in Kent (!?!)

Just to indulge in some serious self-pity, I celebrated the fruit of other people's successes to soothe (or maybe revel in) my current state of loss.

But with wickedly cute results....

Behold, I jumped on the appliqued onesie bandwagon!

Lots of nods to Mommy's love of argyle and turtles, and Daddy's businessman lifestyle.

Creativity: Brought to you by loss and frustration since 3,000 BC.

Some random knitting

2010-04-30T00:12:00.006-05:00

(see, I have been up to something all this time.)

Some stranding...

Some baby gifts...

Some socks... (see the St. Louis Arch there in the background - more pics of that trip to come)

And just for fun.
I house-sit regularly and they have a blanket I snuggle up with on cool nights.
I caught the tag out of the corner of my eye and almost spat out my tea with giggles.

That's right -
Virgin ACRYLIC.

I have also finished a dress, started another pair of socks, presented at a conference on a subject I am just getting to know to a group I never belonged to and I think I may be single again.

A little tropical flora and fauna

2010-03-31T20:05:00.012-05:00

This year has allowed me to travel a bit more than usual...

Mostly to Illinois to visit the Physicist (which often means side trips to other cities in the Midwest - we're to visit the St. Louis Arch this weekend... I'm lobbying for a side trip to the Ozark Trail).

I also took a long weekend to visit my grandmother in Florida about a month ago.
I wanted to visit the Everglades and see the ocean.

Although we were limited by time - I got to spend a great day seeing lots of things I don't get to see in our more temperate zone.

This guy here, he was <1 foot away. Since it had been a cold and dry winter, they move S L O W L Y - so being so close isn't as terrifying as it would seem.

Although the rangers suggested we didn't poke him to make sure he wasn't dead.
THAT'S why they're the Ranger...

My Scandinavian Journey

2010-03-24T22:14:00.006-05:00

Update: My inner fiscal conservative is making TSK TSK noises and forcing me to dig deeper into my ability to do this, since it would require a furlough from work in addition to having cash on hand...

But there will be more adventure in 2010 - regardless of the continent.

***

So it looks as though I will be heading to Copenhagen, Oslo, Helsinki - maybe even St. Petersburg - for 2 weeks this summer.

I can't even begin to believe that this may actually happen.

That's four more countries in my passport.

A chance to have the European backpacking trip I never had in college.

An excuse to learn to say "Where is the nearest yarn shop?" in Dane-Norwe-Fin-Russian!

Foster yarn: part II

2010-03-01T20:39:00.008-05:00

Pretty quickly after learning how to knit, I realized how expensive a good yarn can be.
A good sock yarn can fetch $20 a skein, and often that's just enough for one sock.

I wasn't sure how I felt about that, so I took to taking in yarns that friends were destashing - or offering as a reward from detangling - or some other challenge - that would result in the ownership of some yarn I couldn't imagine myself buying, but was all too happy to play with.

Those days are (somewhat) gone. I'm less appalled by the price of yarn - although I'm still sensitive to budgetary constraints. But I can honestly admit that I spend more on yarn than I do on food, electricity or gas on a monthly basis.

That said, my favorite foster yarn is finally knit up into something wearable! Socks!

And they come with a drawn out story that few will care to hear, but many will be forced to endure.

It started on a cool September day in 2008.
That's right.
2008.
(This is history, folks.)

Anyway, Ms. Affiknitty got some lovely Koigu and decided to double strand it into a cowl, creating the infamous Color of Disappointment cowl.

Time went on and she offered me the yarn if I was willing to frog and rewind the yarn.

So I did.
And I considered many a sock pattern for this yarn.
Hemmed and hawed.
Finally, I settled on Spring Forward.
Easy lace - sweet - if done correctly, a pogo stick would soon be my mode of transport (as the picture indicates).

I blogged about it then.

Look how far I got!
But I succumbed to the terrible urge to put them down and poof...
I lost my place.
I tried to start again, but there were too many problems.
So I frogged them.

I rewound the yarn in December and decided I needed to try again - this time the Synesthesia sock.

Again, toe up, two at a time.

And... crap. I forgot that it was toe up and was working them like the ankle so the bottoms weren't flat, but lace, and gah!
I got 3 inches in before I realized it.

Frog.
Swear.
Rip.
Swear more.

So I started again. And I got kinda far - to the heel.
Put it down, but picked it back up again.
Got through the heel, but put it down (STOP PUTTING IT DOWN!)
Finally, this weekend I took it and only it to River Colors, determined to finish these socks. Not to be distracted by colorwork or stash or some crazy yarn I stumbled on in a moment of weakness.With Bob as my witness, I will finish these socks!

And I did!

Squee!

Yup - Knitting

2010-02-27T00:01:00.008-05:00

A stranded cowl...

A leafy shrug..

A stripey weekend v-neck...

A dress for spring...

The thickest, warmest sweater I'll ever wear...

Oh - and some origami too.

The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a five pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
'O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!'

***

They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon,
The moon,
The moon,
They danced by the light of the moon.

Yoga, work and knitting

2010-01-29T21:06:00.019-05:00

That pretty well sums up the last month or so.

I can't show off the yoga, but I can share the knitting,
(Like I would miss the chance to do that!)

Some mittens for me...

And a sweater, too...

A bag for my smaller knits...

A cashmere cowl for Mom...

and convertible mitts for Dad...

Just for fun...

Updated with deep red top-stitching to keep my toes toasty in a more fashionable manner...

Time to get back to knitting - so much more to do!

Moments of absolute contentment

2010-01-13T09:40:00.006-05:00

I didn't even know this was possible, and yet there it was.

On Sunday, January 10, 2010, the Physicist and I were driving back to IL after a day's adventure in Madison, WI. There was lunch at a great veg cafe, sub-zero walking along State Street, tentative steps out onto the frozen lake, shopping at Willy Street Co-Op and thawing out at the Olbrich Botanical Garden conservatory.

We were making our way back - I was knitting and listening to Zoe Keating - there were wide expanses of white glistening snow and the sky was that perfect winter blue.

I couldn't help but feel perfectly content, not just in an instant, but in that expended way that allows it to deepen and take root throughout your whole self.

There was nothing I needed, nowhere else I wanted to be.

I've had glimpses of that, but never an extended time - my distractible nature makes sure of that.

But not this time - this time I got an hour or so.

The spell was broken when thoughts of packing and planes got in the way, but I look forward to welcoming more of these moments into my life.

Yoga, work and coughing

2010-01-06T22:10:00.006-05:00

That's what 2010 has been.

Not bad, but the coughing could go away.
I had a cold over the holidays, but now I have another cold and since the Physicist has one too, and he's just got back from abroad and I'm visiting him soon, I expect to have a third cold soon.

Blerg.

Work has been challenging and things feel a little like graduate school - projects with lots of possibility... and coughing.

Yoga is something I started around the holidays, thanks to Netflix and their fabulous stream-tastic streaming option.

So I signed up for 3 weeks at a local studio and so far, so good. I'm nice and bendy again - and a little blissed out.

But maybe that's the cough syrup talking.

Happy New Year

2009-12-31T10:43:00.006-05:00

2009 has been a very good one for me.

I had many adventures...

in Maine where I camped in Arcadia National Park and was rewarded with a night of swank accommodations in Portland.
in Vermont, where I hiked a full 2.5 mi of the Appalachian Trail.
in Michigan, where I spent a day climbing on trains of all sizes, shapes and provenance.
in Ohio, where I bike-camped our own Cuyahoga Valley National Park and watched far off fireworks from a secluded campsite among tall grasses.
on Kelley's Island, where we chartered a boat ride around the island and watched the sun set with friends and family.
in Washington D.C., to see all the houses in the Solar Decathlon.
back to Michigan, where I rode a steam engine with my parents and caught up with college friends.

I learned many things...

how to rewire a boat trailer.
how to install a trailer hitch.
how to make an origami crane.
how to use a GPS without throwing it out the window.
how to install a new stereo in a Prius.
how to trust the process.

I knit a fair number of things, too... (seriously, a 10k of yarn!)

6 adult sweaters
1 baby sweater
2 kiddo hats
1 sleeping tank top-ey thing
3 pairs of socks (including one lost forever to the east side... *sniff*)
3 cowls
1 pair of convertible mitts
1 pair of perfect mittens
1 original design hat
1 shawl
1 pair of ballet flats (my first ever felted project!)
1 set of christmas stripe elf hat/mittens for the sweetest baby in the world

I tried my hand at sewing again...

1 half-finished dress
1 pair of half-finished pajama bottoms
1 half-finished skirt of quilt pieces (are you seeing a pattern here?)
1 iPod case
1 knitting bag
1 knitting needle case
1 nightgown (recently ripped apart to adjust... not happy with it, so I guess 'half-finished' as well)

Then there was all that other great stuff...

Having my best friend around for the first time in almost a decade and getting to spend oodles of time with her and her family (although it still feels that I don't get enough time with them).

Meeting the Physicist.
There's almost too much in that to go into - and frankly, it's so good, I want to keep most of it to myself (sorry...)
But good.
Lots and lots of good.

Biking around more.
Getting pretty far with the boat restoration.
Seriously considering the Tiny House concept.
The quality of what we're producing at work and the new projects I've gotten to help create and launch.

So, it's been a good year.
I'm sad to see it go, but hoping 2010 will at least as good.

My total damage (yarn-wise) for 2009

2009-12-28T22:36:00.001-05:00

I input my knitting projects from the past year by meterage and learned that I knit up 9834 meters of yarn in the past year... that's >6 mi. of yarn.

I almost knit a 10K... actually, I may have since I have not yet input a pair of socks... (or 2).

My Grand Plan (Addendum)

2009-12-27T23:27:00.005-05:00

I keep forgetting my rebellious streak.
As in, I often rebel against myself.
Not long after I set my grand plan, I started dreaming of projects well outside the land of the Knitter's Almanac.

A lovely dress...
A sweet summer skirt...
A big squooshy cardi...

I restarted a pair of socks for the third time sometime a week (or so) ago and they are going very well.

And then there is the matter of the squooshy cardi - just translated from French (I'm very proud of that feat - now I just need to learn how to say "boast" en francais) - and a perfect cranberry yarn just purchased on a whim at JoAnn's.

I'm done for...

A Grand Plan for 2010

2009-12-16T19:03:00.008-05:00

Ok, so I knit.

We've established that.

And I knit alot. It's become the thing I do when I want to do nothing.

Or what I used to call "Doing Nothing."

I'm relatively new to it - having learned in fall 2007 - and I can honestly say it's the one thing in my life where the Expectation of The Thing and the Experience of The Thing have met neatly at the same place.

A rarity in life, I'm sure you will agree.

In the past 2 years of acquainting myself with knitting and it's associated techniques, materials and community, one name comes up again and again: Elizabeth Zimmermann.

To an outsider, seeing the whole of a community rise up in adoration of an individual strikes chord of intimidation in the heart.
"Who is she?"
"Can she really *be* that good?"
And the inevitable urge to rebel.

But a good friend lent me a book, The Opinionated Knitter - I took my time getting to it, but what I found inside was a world of welcome.

I can't really explain it, but everything about EZ is warm. She's witty yet pragmatic and full of mirth. You know she would offer you a cup of tea (or home-brewed beer), something sweet, and let you paw through her stash with abandon. Of course, she'd ask to see what was on your needles, offer supportive suggestions and tease out some concern that would be allayed with appropriate words of comfort.

And I got all of this from a knitting book.

This same friend also gave me a copy of The Knitter's Almanac, which is at the core of this post.

Two things happened in the past 24 hours to direct me to this course...

Thing 1: I got to reading the almanac last night and, upon waking up, saw that a new friend on Ravelry had noted the hat that begins the year of knitting.

Thing 2: Mrs. Zimmermann was born in 1910, and we are on the cusp of a centennial (very exciting, truly).

Putting two and two together, I am going to embark on the realization of the Knitter's Almanac in celebration of EZ's 100th year. I am very excited to try her techniques and get to know her through her books and - if I can find them - her videos from PBS. I do plan to veer off course, as there are a number of projects not in the almanac that interest me, and I think EZ would approve of going off the path when called into the wilderness.

It will serve as a Primer Year for me - I dove into knitting with the zeal of a convert and am afraid of my sophomoric urges. I look to EZ to set me straight and start me at the beginning, where I rightly belong.

We begin, of course, in January.

Knit on.

2009 Christmas

2009-12-07T20:15:00.008-05:00

I have just not been in a blogging mood lately. Mostly, I've been knitting gifts and watching NetFlix on the laptop.

But tonight, I came back from Lorain with my boxes of Christmas cheer and decorated for the holiday season.

As usual, my feather tree takes center stage. After years of trying live trees, pink trees, and no trees - the sparse, quirky feather tree has simply won my heart (plus no sap or spiders to fight off).

A sampling of some of my favorite ornaments - most from late 70s or early 80s craft fairs.

I updated the knitting basket with my own yarn leftovers... (and how much do I love the calico sailing Santa in the background).

I remember the year I begged my parents for this ornament from Mrs. Claus' Closet - they used pantyhose to make the cookies - which is kind of gross, but endearing. Check it out, the peanut butter has embroidery criss-crosses - brilliant.

Ah yes, cardinal - with blue-painted beans for eggs.

I love love love this ornament. It's German and had a thin piece of balsa that went over the Claus' with a minute mistletoe hanging down. Years in the attic - and an over-zealous me - left it cracked and in the "Broken Ornament" box - so I had to save it.

My newest accessions - made at a party last year and inspired by Victorian ornaments we made years ago when I was working at the Historical Society.

A proper French Bulldog Angel. I feel her name must be Manon.

...and the two angel geese who helped me decorate. Just surreal enough to help me get through the sugar-shock of the season.

My first knit design!

2009-11-25T17:36:00.011-05:00

In honor of his birthday, I decided to knit something for the Physicist.

A scary proposition since there is a bit of lore warning against knitting for your sweetie. I rarely give creed to such bits of irrationality (ok, I pick and choose - highly irrational, isn't it).

Anyway, the Sweater Curse.

But I did the math: our time together + his birthday = it's ok to make a hat.

But it had to be the perfect hat.

A nod to science whilst being abstract enough for aesthetics.
Electromagnetism? Wind energy?
Eventually, I landed on radio astronomy - the subject of his PhD.

It couldn't be itchy at all - and the colors had to be perfect.

I designed and knit on the fly... starting with a mini VLA.

The dome was divided into quarters - I looked long for a good image that would be translatable in knitting - I found and used this image as a foundation (adding some larger shapes to represent galaxies, nebulae, etc...). I think it worked out very well.

**********Drum roll**************

I give you, the VLA Hat!

In progress... (look at all those happy radio telescopes gathering emissions...)

FINISHED!

View from the top...

And to personalize it, I added his initials and year...

I gave it to him last night and it was truly well-received.

Phew!

Not so bad...

2009-11-18T09:47:00.007-05:00

In the weeks leading up to the departure of the Physicist, I was nervous about how our interactions would withstand the addition of 400 miles between.

Happily, it's been better than I normally would have let myself imagine.

It's been a good year for me and optimism, or at least me and my ability to manage uncertainty.

A year ago, uncertainty was the norm and many things were perceived as having a high probability of ending badly. Admittedly, I had surrounded myself with an environment that did not always support things that could result in calm and comfort. But I learned my lessons well.

I learned to expect more from people.
I learned that if I ask for something, I may actually get it.
I learned that if you don't allow yourself to be worthy of time and energy from others, you likely won't receive it.
And I learned that some people are just plain broken and awful - and it's best to acknowledge that and move on.

Having done that, I now have irrefutable proof that there can be a cup of tea at the end of the day followed by the secure feeling that even a drastic change is really no change at all.

To be continued...

2009-11-08T16:39:00.005-05:00

Today the Physicist and I walked the almost-new-owner (final papers to be signed) through the charmed house - showing off the good, the needs-to-be-fixed and the quirks.
Where to hang the hammock, how to refill the steam heat and when to stop the garage door so it doesn't make an awful racket.

I was a frequent visitor in the past year, but it wasn't until the house was ready for movers that my emotional connection to the house (and its inhabitant) became almost too much to bear. I was honored to be included in that final walk through.

We took our final pictures in front of the house and said our final good-byes to the brick and mortar that was so much more than the sum of its parts. It was late Saturday mornings, picnics in the grass, tinkering in the garage - the place I went when I needed to be alone with company and a hot cup of tea.

Following this, I drove him to the airport to catch his flight to IL, where he begins a new position on Monday. He was, unsurprisingly and lacking the anxiety I would have felt, late for his flight. But he transferred the ticket and settled in with a book on the iPod. I hope to learn how to be so legitimately at ease with change.

It will be January before I see him again, as the new role has him traveling and he purchased tickets to return to India for a month prior to accepting the appointment.

I do not know what will come in the future, but for the first time - I think ever - I have entered into entirely uncharted territory, and I want only to see what the next leg holds - without needing to predict the whole of the journey.

Fall knitting 2009

2009-10-31T15:45:00.007-05:00

Yep - its that time again.
With crisp winter winds knocking on my door, I start to feel the need to envelope my entirety in yummy woolly goodness.

Here are some things I got to working on in the past few weeks...

I frogged the short puff sleeves that I put on this sweater and exchanged them for 3/4 length with cabling at the ends... with all due respect to Anne Shirley, puff sleeves aren't always the best choice.

I dig my cable "suspenders."

I made a hat from some leftovers - the Icing Swirl hat from Whimsical Little Knits.
I like it, but it seems more suited for deep winter days - so in the closet it goes (or to a friend).

I visited my grandmother and saw (read: stroked fondly) the Shalom sweater I knit her of alpaca and cashmere and immediately got jealous/covetous. When I got home, I dug through the stash to see what I had on hand to start my own. I love the variegation of the purples and played a bit with the yarn to engineer the stripes in a way I found more pleasing.

The sleeves are underway now in the undyed Cascade Eco-Wool you see as the torso of the piece.

And finally, my first felting project - Cafe Press Knits Ballet Flats.
I LOVE these and finally got around to the felting process today!
(now I have to wait 2+ days for them to dry - but THEN I get to choose the buttons!)

Of course, no knitting post can be without dreams of the future. I purchased some Malabrigo worsted - enough for a sweater - in lilac and a deep blue called Paris Nights.

I have no idea what will come to pass from this, but I'm sure I'll adore it.

What I did this weekend

2009-10-04T21:39:00.004-05:00

I was a passenger on this excursion through Michigan...

Many thanks to the good people at the Steam Railroading Institute in Owosso, MI for an amazing experience.

(and thanks to the chap who posted this video in such a timely fashion!)

Jonah Day

2009-10-01T12:22:00.008-05:00

Today (and this week in general) has been all around crap-tastic.

I have a terrible cold.
The Physicist is leaving town soon.
I'm still trapped in my debt cage (one more year to go!)
There was a terrible miscommunication this morning that left me feeling tremendously icky.
And I had the realization that I have been the willing victim of inertia for about 6 or 7 years.

So - where would I go?

The destination of the Physicist has potential, but without a formal invitation to look into it, I won't. Simply because, like all other places I *could* live - there is nothing but a person who would be my reason for going. All the cities I haven't lived in but have considered are the standard issue cities that all lefty, well-educated people consider: Seattle, Portland, Minneapolis, Chicago, San Francisco, blah blah blah... Which makes them expensive and highly competitive in this tight market.

Having been laid off and knowing my tendency to change gears, I am hesitant to move for a job or career reason - as I know that can be just as uncertain as moving to be near friends or family.

But by not making a decision, I have made a decision.

Do I throw cities in a hat and pick one at random?
Do I start applying for jobs I think I might like in cities that may interest me?
Do I feel confident enough to move to the Physicist's new destination and make a go of it, even if we fail?

It's not that I hate NEOhio, I just need a CHANGE.

B to B

2009-09-24T12:39:00.003-05:00

Or Blonde....

to Brunette...

Change is good.

Late summer knitting

2009-09-15T14:55:00.008-05:00

Hurrah for late summer and early fall!

I have been a happily knitting girl in the past month - starting a new project called Traveling Woman Shawl or Kelleys Island Traveller (since I worked on the majority of it there while on vacation). I love the small shawls all over Ravelry and this one was free, simple and a great way to show off the yarn.

Ahhh, the yarn.
Let's contemplate the yarn for a moment, shall we...

I bought the yarn - Malabrigo sock yarn - without a project in mind (this was also before I fell prey to buying yarn for the sake of schmooshy and pretty.) And the colors remind me of Lake Erie right before a storm... but it also brings to mind those lovely faded hydrangeas you see in September.

The work in progress...

I also finished my albatross - a scarf I knitted up for a friend with his logo. It was wide, so it needed to be long - I began it in March and grew it over summer - finally harvesting in September for the cool days ahead.

And I finished a middy sweater for the wee man - he wore it on the sunset ride we chartered around Kelleys. He's become terribly charming in the past few months - which just makes me want to knit him more and more and more cozy things to snuggle up with.
I fear he will develop an aversion to wool! (There's always silk and cotton - heh.)

I am currently re-working the sleeves on the honeycomb sweater, and I just began some hats for my college roommate's children (very colorful and stripey - will share soon) and I realized my Noro should be a sweater, not a Clapotis, so I need to buy some navy worsted to bring out the pinks and greens and pale blues of that colorway... pics and updates to come!

No Sheep Left Behind

2009-09-11T08:46:00.004-05:00

From the photoblog A Walk Through Durham County, Pennsylvania.

no one should die because they cannot afford health care, and no one should go broke because they get sick

2009-09-03T10:51:00.006-05:00

This is what is flying around Facebook today.
I'm glad, because this is what the health care reform is all about.

I was without health insurance for 2 years.
I had a catastrophic plan, but I'm sure it was bunk - but it provided something at a time when, according to my Social Security statement, I was earning just over 125% of poverty.

I was free-lancing for a number of companies in the area - many requiring travel and all requiring a high level of physical ability: climbing 60' up scaffolding, using sand-blasters, that kind of thing.

I was thrilled when I was accepted for my masters program, because it meant I could go to the doctor again.

In those 2 years without insurance, I relied on Planned Parenthood for Ob/Gyn - they had a sliding scale - and the one time I had an ear infection, it cost $150 to go to urgent care. My health care was home-remedy websites, colloidal silver, hydrogen peroxide, a healthy dose of denial and generic neosporin - often pilfered from the first-aid kits of the places I worked.

But 2 months before I was to start school, I had a problem - on a job - in another state. My boss made me go to the hospital despite my stance that I had no insurance. It was something internal and they wanted me to have a scan. I argued with the doctor for 30 minutes about this, since I knew the cost would be debilitating, especially as I was preparing to make even less as a student.

I couldn't leave the hospital - the pain was too much - so I had the scan - luckily it was minor and I got out of there before they could even think of admitting me.

When I got home, the bills had already started - that 7 hour span of time was billed as $10,000.

That was a few thousand less than what I was making after taxes free-lancing during an economic slump.

Then I noticed that the hospital was Catholic, so I researched what it would take to get a reprieve.

Turns out, I qualified.

So I filled out the application, and explained my situation, including that I was about to start a degree in non-profit management.

The nuns... well they accepted it and my bills were forgiven.
Except for the cost of the scan - I would pay the $4,000 for the scan and its reading until a year after I finished my masters.

When I have a few extra dollars, I write a check to that hospital for the kindness they showed me - always hoping that one day we could see past our fears of change and find a new way to offer health care, because no one should die because they cannot afford health care, and no one should go broke because they get sick.

Weekend

2009-08-24T14:02:00.007-05:00

On Sat'y we installed a hitch on my car so I may tow the boat - it was supposed to take 30 minutes, but instead took 10 hours and 30 minutes, because they sent the wrong bolts with it.

But now I can install a hitch on a car!

We (rather, the Physicist) played with the trailer winch that had rusted - I hadn't realized the importance of this. Apparently, as it was, if I went up a hill, the boat could have slid off the trailer and the winch would not have stopped it.

Whoops.

But we're that much closer to launching the boat - the goal is Labor Day weekend...

On Sun'y, I had the unique experience of teaching my parents to use their new computer.
Neither have used one before.
It's amazing how vast and subtle the skills required to use a computer are - from manipulating the mouse to intuitively understanding how to navigate a web page to the vocabulary: email, Gmail, scroll down, click, cursor, etc...
Today's xkcd was terribly topical to this issue.
We went through the process of powering it on and off no less than 6 times - and I am proud to boast that I got an email this morning, which meant they remembered how to do it.

My little birds have learned to fly!!! *sniff*

Issuing a challenge

2009-08-18T20:36:00.005-05:00

If you create a roadblock, be prepared to provide a detour.

That means you Cleveland Department of Public Services, Street Engineering Division.

Each day I see a new sign decreasing the already meager street parking options in Tremont.

Should I be totally naive and assume you're about to unveil a new residents-only, parking by permit, well-lit lot in the neighborhood?

If I lived in a cartoon world

2009-08-14T13:40:00.004-05:00

I think they both have their charms...

Cotton and paper and (of course) yarn, too.

2009-08-13T07:19:00.016-05:00

I've been having a gloriously fun summer: rowboats and gardens and swimming and meteor showers and lying idle in the grass.

I saw a good friend last weekend and she had a project: origami. I've not done much of that before (and neither had she) so we figured it out together and made a mobile of dotty cranes in lovely colors.

I discovered that it was a gateway to a new feverish obsession with polyhedra and other vaguely mathematical objects that are truly pleasing to behold.

I recalled this pattern in Last Minute Patchwork + Quilted Projects and got to work. True to it's place in the book, it took about 4 hours.

I used fabric scraps appropriate for a charming lad about to turn 1: a men's shirt, some butterfly fabric and the wee monkeys I wish I had more of.

I shan't bore you with the details of making it other than Hulu now has episodes of "My So-Called Life" and they make a very good background for pinning and stuffing...

Pin and stuff and stuff and pin...

Ta-Da!!!

BONUS~

I finished a hat I made for my father. I scored a 1/2 price ball of alpaca/merino/silk in blues and greys. Perfect for a maritime watchcap and easy-peasy.

And now, for some yummy yarn...

2009-08-02T22:05:00.014-05:00

A washable wool natty nautical sweater for the wee man.

A delicious (but slightly bank-breaking) silk merino blend from Cherry Tree Hill - it was a purely speculative and emotional purchase. Those colors are divine... I have no idea what this will become...

Some Noro Silk Garden bought on Etsy as DESTASH... highway robbery, I tell you. Queued to become the ubiquitous Clapotis.

Have you met my swift? (I forget).
I love my swift beyond measure.

Lastly, some Malibrigo sock yarn destined to become...??? (Suggestions appreciated)

Imposing structure

2009-07-29T09:25:00.011-05:00

For most of my time as an adult, I've had a push-me/pull-you relationship with structure in my life.

I grew up with external structures - school, lessons, band camp, summer play rehearsal schedules - but few internal structures were ever imposed.

The result was that I cultivated an aversion - or maybe just a bad attitude - towards internal controls. I had the cookie when I wanted it, took the day off if it felt right and did the dishes only when I found I couldn't stand not having the sink available to me.

I threw my clothes on the floor, rarely tidied up after projects and couldn't get rid of all things I was waiting to "get to." There was no one there to answer to, no reason to make the effort, so I lived a cluttered, messy life ruled by a lack of internal control (read: "spoiled").

I have spent the past 7 months or so in the company of someone who is 89% internal control, and it's been transformative for me. His home is sparse and clean, and I feel a marked change in my stress:calm ratio when I arrive there.

Realizing what a change the environment had on me, I brought what I've learned into my own home.

As you know, I started my own active de-accessioning in spring. The immediate result was a home with fewer things precariously stored. This means that the things I want to get to are less of a hassle, which means I get to those things more - which is its own reward. And there isn't a rumpled pile of whatnot taunting me from the precarious place I pulled whatever it was out into the light of day.

It's been like a reverse Diderot Effect, instead of upgrading my environs to match my dressing gown, I have begun - almost unconsciously - undertaking actions that build upon this new structure.

I now make my bed daily and hang up my nightclothes.
I transformed my living room into a knitting and sewing space - decorating with the tools and materials of textile play - banishing knick-knacks and replacing the souvenirs of the life I wanted to have lived with the artifacts of things I actually experienced.

The mental quiet coming from all this change is growing exponentially, and unlike other changes of habit and lifestyle, these seem to be more organic and easy to take root - like volunteer shoots that pop up in a garden: unexpected, appreciated, and eventually cultivated to thrive.

A short stay in Michigan

2009-07-26T16:07:00.024-05:00

This weekend I went on short (but highly enjoyable) mini-break in Michigan.

The Steam Railroading Institute in Owosso was holding its first Steam Fest - which is one of those odd things that you find out about in 1 of 2 ways:
1: You are - or are related to - those who actively seek out steam engines (I fall into the category of the latter - although having been acclimated to the sound of a steam whistle by age 8, I was just as likely to yell "Steam engine!" knowing full well I'd be hastily tossed into the car to chase it as far as we could.)
2: You went to college with the person who coordinated the event and can't escape its presence on Facebook.

I fall into both categories, actually.

It was a bit of a last minute decision to attend, and because the event was in a smallish town with accommodations sold out in a 50 mile radius, Ann Arbor was the city of choice.

We stayed at a wonderful B&B called Vitosha - The bike at the door was indicator enough that I would enjoy my stay...

The room had a view of the courtyard from the charming veranda...

We reached the festival and were quickly swept up in the sights, sounds, & smells of steam...

After we got our bearings - we took a short excursion that was pulled first by a diesel - then back by a small steam engine.

Of course, we had tea...

I think I may be returning for a fall excursion with my parents - once lured by the siren song of a steam whistle, it's difficult to escape it's grasp.

Foster Yarn

2009-06-30T23:13:00.009-05:00

Last fall (was it that long ago???), my dear friend Laura shared the sadness that is The Color of Disappointment.
That is to say - when good yarn clashes with your skin tone (how dreadful!)

As you can see in her post, she did not care to frog the yarn, but was happy to hand it over to me if I cared to make something of it.

A short 9 months later I present...
Summer Spring Forward Socks in progress!

Hello my pretties...

My mods include working them toe-up and two-at-a-time.
Together these these techniques make me a happy girl because
a) toe up means I can knit until the yarn runs out, instead of guessing at the length for the leg portion - it feels like I'm able to squeeze every bit of yarny goodness out of a good skein that way.
b) two-at-a-time avoids second sock syndrome, which I can see would be a dreadful handicap for me - I'd have to remove a foot, or take to wearing mismatched socks.

Won't you look good in a Mary Jane flat...

An iPod case and the socks I gave to Jeezus

2009-06-24T10:50:00.012-05:00

First, the iPod case...

The Physicist introduced me to TED talks online and the first one we watched was Brian Greene. In March, we were lucky to attend, FOR FREE, a talk given by Dr. Greene at Oberlin. At dinner, the Physicist used a napkin to teach me about gravity. I am not very mathematical, but I love the notations, so I kept them.

After receiving the Touch, I wanted to make a case for it and realized the notated napkin was a similar size and decided to embroider the notes on old linen scrap... First I used the sewing machine to make the notebook lines, then I embroidered the notations by hand after copying them on the fabric.

The back and inside were made from a man's shirt I bought at Unique Thrift to make pants for the wee man Lance. I used the cuff to make a closure.

Now I always have gravity close at hand.

***
The socks I gave to Jeezus is another story all together.

I'm having difficulty uploading a large picture of them, but know this - somewhere between a garage sale in Shaker and a weekend in Lyndhurst they DISAPPEARED.

Gone.

Along with my Schrodinger Bag.
Addi needles.
Gingher sewing scissors.
Not to mention an almost completed pair of two-at-a-time toe-up striped knee socks.

Le sigh.

So I just decided after searching for a weekend to "Give 'em to Jeezus."

And so they are now the socks I gave to Jeezus.

I just started a new pair... let's hope they don't meet the same fate.

Non sequiturs

2009-06-09T22:21:00.004-05:00

I ordered a wooden swift and it arrived today!
I went to the doctors for a script to stop the spread of the Poison Ivy I caught on Sat'y.
I got a Tetnus shot, too.
I caught it on a program to clear a trail for Nat'l Trail Day - I sawed many fallen trees by hand.
And peed in the woods.
No I did not get Poison Ivy down there.
I renewed my driver's license and I think it looks like a Japanese candy wrapper - or that it was designed by a 12 year old girl - or that it was designed by a 12 year old Japanese girl who was thinking of candy.
Seriously, it's pink.
With like 5 holograms: birds and flags and states.
I ate baby spinach from my garden.
Strawberries, too.
The Physicist took me to dinner for my birthday.
And gave me an iPod Touch.
Loaded with music and Apps.
But to add more or sync it to my computer, I think I have to erase what he put on.
That can wait.
For a while, anyway.
I can't bear to erase such a thoughtful act.

Birthday nightgown

2009-06-07T21:21:00.010-05:00

I finished my nightgown today.
Perfect for lazing about on warm mornings, reading the Times and drinking iced tea...

The yarn is new, but the linen is an old sheet and the buttons are from my grandmother's jar of buttons collected over many, many years.

A single button at the bust...

I lined the inside of the knitting with light blue satin...

(note wee, delicious buttons at the back)

The final piece of this will be a pair of knit boy-shorts that uses the same lace scalloping at the legs.

Happy birthday, indeed.

Perpetual de-accessioning machine

2009-06-05T12:54:00.011-05:00

The recent de-accessioning has taken on a life of its own!

I find that I get almost the same thrill finding a new home for my things as I did in their initial acquirement.

I composed a list of things that went out my door the last few evenings...

* locker
* piano stool
* stainless steel shelf unit
* ostrich egg
* steer pelvis
* Framed 19th century photographs of Cairo scenes
* A direct current medical quackery device I forgot I owned
* beaded purse from the 30s
* collection of late 19th/early 20th century items using Orientalism to market products
* Day of the Dead mask
* side table
* mirror
* bow (no arrows)
* random bits and pieces I can't recall

I tried to get my friend to take my rugs, but alas, he is limited by space - I suppose it's good - they could be laid about to make any dry bit of land a home. Draped over rope tied between two trees, it could make a lovely tent.

I hope to have another friend over soon to take more - we share a similar aesthetic and strong need for all things fossilized, magic carpets and a general appreciation of my Wunderkammer.

Someone asked me about this process - the why and wherefores, and I described it as an act of love to myself to release my bonds to so many of these things.

With each item removed, I feel I've sent a part of my old self out into the world and new piece regenerates in its place that is more reflective of who I am now. Each thing is like a mooring line and with each gifting, I come a little closer to freedom - I'm not sure what freedom means or holds, but it seems to be goal I'm actively working towards.

A bit of a grand statement, but quite true.

Last night I set out a mirror and a chalkboard - a woman got out of her car and asked if she could have them - each item she took urged me to bring down more - and she left with 2 mirrors, a table, a chair, a chalkboard and a box filled with this and that.

It's as if I'm giving the no-longer-necessary parts of me up for adoption, and am warmed when I feel they've found a loving home...

Early Summer Knits 2009

2009-06-01T22:10:00.010-05:00

I've been decidedly not online - or even much in the house - lately.

A few weekends with my parents, my grandmother, biking and some playing in the community garden (I had fresh strawberries with lunch today!)

Actually lots of gardening - I learned to shape boxwood and privet hedge with my father, planted annuals and fought a good fight against their rhododendrons.

I also started a few summer knit projects - I can't begin to describe my love for the cotton cami I finished - I wear it almost every evening and want at least 20 more.

So... I stopped at French Creek Fiber Arts in Avon and picked up some delicious cotton yarn the color of French Lilac... only 3 skeins, but enough to make something delicate and lacy... so I flipped through my books and decided on a piece with a knitted bodice and sewn skirt. I chose white linen for the skirting, hoping it will rumple in a perfectly imperfect manner.

Unlike most knitted pieces, the pattern calls for interfacing on these to hold the shape and provide some modicum of modesty (and support, it seems). I still have to make the piece that these attach to, and then I get to play with the fabric.

For kicks, I decided to line them with pale blue satin.
Decadent, no?

Now that I've got a little something started for warm summer evenings, I needed a good sailing jumper... made of cheap acrylic (i.e. "of dinosaurs") from Stephanie Japel's basic raglan recipe - I actually swatched this and am making it to measure!

The girl I used to be.

2009-05-16T09:02:00.001-05:00

Because things come when you need them, a friend of mine is hosting a garage sale in Shaker Heights over Memorial Day weekend - and I am taking FULL advantage of this opportunity to de-accession a good deal of my past.

I do love the things I'm selling, but if I don't get rid of these things... well, I feel my things have definitely claimed ownership of me.

I'm getting rid of a good deal of my vintage things as well: scarves and gloves and hats and... well, things people gave me (like the furry face at the bottom there).

A rediculously charming house for sale...

2009-05-15T15:04:00.007-05:00

It's near Phillips and Progressive - painfully charming and built by the first owner in the 30s who lived in the garage (almost as charming) whilst creating his home.

Some info regarding it here.

Finished

2009-05-13T22:08:00.007-05:00

Tired - I ripped this MoFo up and reknit more sections than I care to remember.

On the duct tape Mani...

Ha! Duct tape Mani Boobs...

Sailboat!

2009-05-07T20:38:00.016-05:00

So you get a sense of what we're dealing with.

A coat of paint here, some new hardware there - not too bad!
If you click on the image, it will take you to you original photo album... (bigger, better pics.)

More de-accessioning

2009-05-05T12:09:00.006-05:00

I had an epiphany the other night.

See, I have this apartment filled with things: quirky things, vintage things, things that at one time or another spoke to me.

But they've stopped.

They've been silent for a while now.

I still hear whispers from the things I made or were made for me, but the din of everything else has been quieting down.

I didn't own much when I moved here from Arizona - in fact, I slept on the floor the first 6 months I lived in my apartment here.

I had a story, but it didn't meet my expectations, so I began creating a new one. One filled with vintage and eccentric items picked up from travels I made, wanted to make or liked to think I would have made with the right time and money.

But then something wild happened, I began to like my story - a lot.
And I'm not a scrappy 1930s gal, or a mid-century doyenne, an early 20th century gentleman scientist or a 50s boyscout.

So... what to do with these things...?

April Knitting

2009-04-29T08:37:00.011-05:00

This spring has been incredibly busy, but I try to make time to continue to knit (and even sew) some.

My Film Fest project is almost completed - I had some issues seaming the top to the bottom using a 3 needle bind off - I've had to rip it out TWICE. Once for bad counting and again for a misplaced center stitch marker...

This is it before I realized my centers were off... it looks good.
I'd like to get some grosgrain ribbon in the same color for the straps.
AND I just purchased a blue and white seersucker straight skirt that's perfect to wear with it.

Here is the Honeycomb sweater on opening night of the Film Fest - I accidentally unvented puffed sleeves by trying to knit the sleeves from the armscye using short rows. But the puff seems to work for cool spring days - I think I will redo for fall wear.

Boy, I forgot how totally geeked I get when I return to work the Film Fest each year... (nerd)

I started a mindless project (that looks amazingly cool) with some yarn destashed from my good friend Laura.
I love the way the grays undulate in the spiral and how I barely have to think about it at all when I'm catching up on Mad Men or Masterpiece Theater online.

Believe it or not, there's more - a scarf for a friend, a pair of knee socks and I started a skirt from the antique quilt top scraps I have.

I seem to have a wicked case of start-itis, so I think a de-Work-In-Progress- off is in my future...

Removing weathered wood... and frustration.

2009-04-23T14:25:00.008-05:00

Yesterday was the culmination of some not-so-fun things at work.
I won't bore you with the details, but frustration is the key word.

I chose to skip the Great Lakes show and instead head to the Physicist's to work on the boat.

Most of the hardware has a piece of wood between the metal and the fiberglass that acts as a large washer - much of it had become too weathered or completely disintegrated.

So I thought, "What better way to work off the frustrations of the office than by going at rusted metal." Rusted, by the way, because someone sold my father hardware that was not, as claimed, stainless steel.

I put on the trusty pink headlamp, grabbed the toolbox and settled into the bulkhead to start... wait... ew... what is...?

We had cleaned it - but we didn't look UP.

All along the "ceiling" of the stowing area up front were wasp's and mud dauber's nests...

awesome.

So I got out some gloves, some scraping implements and spent an hour making those disappear.

We got out most of the hardware with little resistance, but at the back, the motor mount proved challenging.

The last bolt was attached under the seat and my father had installed a porthole to get to it... but it was still difficult - I almost broke my hand holding the bolt still with a wrench while the Physicist used a ratchet socket wrench to loosen it. The wood looked weathered, but it was cherry and quite good once you got past the exterior.

By the time 9pm rolled around, the office frustration had melted away - no racing, anxious thoughts about what I had to do at work - he made me a cup of Ovaltine (he recently learned of my love of Horlick's, but didn't have any so Ovaltine was the next best thing... malty and sweet and good.)

I went home tired and sated with a good dose of accomplishment, a good way to end a frustrating day.

Coincidence

2009-04-22T12:18:00.007-05:00

We got the Javelin on Sunday, delivered on its trailer (which was put on a trailer - how meta).
We cleaned it up with broom, power-washer, eco-friendly soap and gallons of elbow grease, making it look much better and showing that for 10 years in the elements, it has held up quite well.

At various times in the past 10 years that I've waited to work in this boat, I've asked around about this model and whether there are folks in the area who are familiar with it. I never got much of a response and, at one point, it was suggested I sell it and buy a model that people use at local yacht clubs.

Just this past year, a few coincidences came together to make this project seem positively Providencial...

The doctor at the clinic next door is a member of the same board I belong to, and we work on the same community garden. At a board meeting he asked if I would be continuing in the garden this summer and I answered that I would, but that I planned to restore a sailboat with much of my free time.
Not only does the doctor sail, but he sails the same model - and has since offered to copy the owner's manual (something I do not have).
The best blog online outlining a sailboat restoration is one about a Javelin. An older model, but still essentially the same.
I have long tried to find a friend who would be willing to let me use their garage for this project - and I found one - a friend who has not only offered his garage, but his tools and his efforts - making this exponentially easier.
The blog - which is not necessarily local - lists the address of a Javelin "guru," and he happens to live 3.5 miles from where I am working on the boat.

I search online to find those people from across the nation and across the world who may have information and it turns out the one person who can help the most lives within biking distance of the one person who provided the place necessary to complete a project that's been on hold for over 10 years.

It simply strikes me as... almost too perfect.

But I'm at a place in my life where "too perfect" is a perfectly acceptable way to be.

Some pictures from Maine

2009-04-21T18:16:00.011-05:00

Some pictures from the trip to Arcadia...

My camera was being cranky (and is about to get returned), so most of the images are in the Physicist's camera(s).

Click images to enlarge.

Self-portrait in blue...

The steps led up from the coast to the roadway, which they closed for spring.

The campsite...

Lentil soup for dinner...

We found alot of life in the tide pools along the coast...

What we're all looking for

2009-04-17T10:33:00.002-05:00

from 9 Chickweek Lane

And travel I did - Part II

2009-04-14T18:49:00.017-05:00

Sat'y 4/11
I woke up to light rain hitting the tent and snuggled back into the sleeping bag to the sounds of breaking waves and the distant clang of an off-shore buoy.

It stopped raining by 9 and we had a lovely breakfast of oatmeal, bananas and tea, using what was left of the milk.

We de-camped, packed the car and headed for a trail on the south side of the island - stopping once more in Bar Harbor to return the milk bottle, pick up truffles for friends and popped into the Patagonia store to see if there was anything one couldn't live without (there wasn't).

The hike was nice, but the geography was similar to that of Kelley's Island here in Ohio: pines, moss, juniper and water eroded rocks - it was a bit disappointing to find that Arcadia is not contiguous - interspersed with residential areas that made it seem quite un-National Park-like. It was decided that we would travel down the coast, stopping when the urge struck, and ending up in Portland for the night.

In a small town, we piggybacked onto WiFi coming from coffee shop and used Priceline (who knew?) to secure a low-cost reservation at the Portland Wyndham (the posh girl in me squealed internally) and headed south, determined to stop in Freeport to see the L.L. Bean campus that his colleague spoke so highly of.

The campus...
Open 24/365.
There are no locks on the retail store.
And a 20' tall Bean boot out front.
Excellent.

I left with a camping mug for $0.95 and a pink headlamp from the outlet.

The day left me decidedly punchy, so we made our way to the hotel, cleaned up and decided to set up the camp stove in the bathroom with the exhaust fan on. We dined on Trader Joe's Jaipur Vegetables from a pouch, naan and tea.
Again, excellent.

Easter Sunday 4/12
The Physicist had shared that he was impressed with Vermont and it was decided that we would stop there en route to Ohio.

While at the hotel, I got on the laptop and found that the Appalachian Trail intersected with the small town in Southern Vermont I knew well and was, coincidentally, on the way back.

Unfortunately, I woke up stubborn.

I was unimpressed with the lighthouse I had seen and knew there were a number around Portland - I chose Two Lights State Park for what seemed to be its close proximity. It was suggested that we have breakfast in the room - oatmeal made with the camp stove. But I was worried that we would set off the smoke detector (don't ask, I got over it the night before - only after frantically fanning first the sprinkler heads, then the smoke detector. But for some reason it made me anxious to attempt it again.)

I wanted eggs, but the Wyndham seemed too pricey and with it being Easter Sunday, I was worried we wouldn't find somewhere to sit down without fighting crowds.

We ended up at a Tim Horton's - which quickly turned into a bad vaudeville routine that ended with a bag of fast food, cold coffee and a half filled thermos of water.
I marched to the car with the food and immediately had a bit of a falling out with the GPS.

After a few false starts, we were headed for Two lights, feeling ever more anxious as I saw no signage for the park or evidence that we were anywhere near a coast.

I got us there, parked near the sad little lighthouse, grabbed my bag of food and picked my way across the trash-strewn beach to a rock where I sat, watched the water, looked at the disappointing lighthouse and tearfully ate my Everything bagel with tepid, rubbery egg, out-of-season tomato and limp lettuce that I asked they exclude from my sandwich. As I walked back to the car, I handed over the keys - sulking that I had put us an hour behind for bad food, bad views and general bad behavior.

We got into Manchester, Vermont around 3pm. It was cold and the occasional flurry drifted past. We drove north to Dorset, where I had spent the two summers flanking my senior year of college.

I saw that the house I had lived in was for sale, that the market I loved had changed hands and that the theater was expanded. It was nice to be back, but ten years does much (and very little) to a small town. I stopped to see the marble quarries, said goodbye to Dorset and drove back to the Green Mountain Ranger station outside of town.

We found the parking lot for the Appalachian Trail/Long Trail (I was again speaking to Gypsy) and decided to pack in, as there was a shelter about 2.5 miles south. It was cold, but I put on 2 layers of long underwear, 3 pairs of socks, and had a tent and cold-rated sleeping bag. We agreed to turn around if the shelter looked too exposed, but hoped to camp there - or at least have dinner.

The trail was lovely - the blazes easy to see (mostly). There was packed, icy snow in places and at least one stream was difficult to cross due to the melting mountain snows. It had been 6 years since I have hiked with a pack and I forgot how much I enjoy it. I warmed easily and loved winding my way uphill.

About 1.5 miles in, it was close to sunset and getting colder. We had come to the summit of one mountain, but there was at least another to climb. We decided that prudence was necessary and chose to turn around for safety's sake. Making the trip back to the car in the dark would be difficult, especially given the ice and snow.

But we found a nice bridge 1/2 mile from the road over a rushing stream - so we stopped and cooked dinner (rather, the Physicist cooked and I messed about adjusting my 30 layers of clothing and texting a friend that I was on the AT.)

Dinner was rice and lentils, bread, Vermont cheddar and tea - eaten on the bridge, legs swinging over the water and rocks while watching the sun set pink and orange between hazy mountains in the distance. We talked about how difficult the hike had been from Georgia and wondered aloud what state we were in.

We got back to the car at 9pm and decided I would drive while he slept in the back (my car seats fold down to about the length of a sleeping bag) and then would switch out when I tired.

I took to the back around 11:30pm and woke up to a cloudy dawn on 90 West just outside of the intersection with 271 - it was 6 am and we had safely returned home from the unplanned adventure in the Northeast.

***
Grand totals (for those keeping score)

2006 miles
6 states
1 National Park
16 stops to replenish hot water for tea
6 stops for gasoline
34.09 Average MPG (37.7 High: 30.17 Low)
1 night couchsurfing in NY
1 night bad motel in NH
1 night camping in ME
1 night good hotel in ME
1 night in the car

Springtime Wanderlust successfully remedied.
(except that now I keep looking to see what portions of the AT are closest to Cleveland...)

And travel I did - Part I

2009-04-13T13:49:00.013-05:00

This trip was wonderful, but fairly unplanned.
We chose a direction - Northeast.
We chose a destination state - Maine.
We chose things we wanted to see:

Adirondacks
Vermont
New Hampshire
Arcadia National Park in Maine

We chose a method of transportation - car.
We chose methods of shelter:

Couch Surfing
Camping
Hotels/B&Bs if necessary

We chose a time frame - leave Wed'y evening and return Monday.

Everything else in betwixt and between was left to chance and whim.
Maybe not the most prudent way to travel, but certainly adventuresome!

A quick list to remember the trip.

Wed'y 4/8
We left NEOhio with destination of Syracuse via Couch Surfing.
Arrived at 10-ish, chatted with our host Frank about Iceland, urban gardening and recycling and stayed in a warm, quiet apartment downtown.
We brought a gift of Great Lakes beer - which was opened and enjoyed immediately.

Thurs'y 4/9
Left Syracuse 10-ish to drive through the Adirondacks by way of Utica.
Lovely driving, mid 40s, blue skies and lack of leaves left all the charming cabins vulnerable to our gaze.
The urge to rent a canoe was great, but alas, we were too out of season.

Headed for Lake Placid and arrived at 2:30.
The main street wasn't bustling, but it wasn't deserted, either. As we wandered past a gallery, the Physicist was drawn to an image of computers in the window - inside, there was a collection of Catherine Ulitsky's photographs of starlings connected by geometric lines to form natural polygons.
We searched for SoulShine bakery to have lunch, but decided to find something more substantial - we ended up at The Brown Dog where we sat overlooking Lake Placid and watching the wind ripple the water's surface. This was followed by truffles from The Candy Man - the bag ripped at the corner as proof that a mouse could be blamed for carrying away my share of the sweets - if indeed that tragedy occurred.
We ended the visit at The Bookstore Plus which was right next door to With Pipe and Book, a bookstore that carried rare books and lithographs and a tobacconist to boot. The Physicist was goading me to leave with a full set of Harper's Index starting in 18_ _. I almost accepted the challenge. Instead I went to the Starbucks across the street for hot water to fill the thermos and fuel the next leg of the journey.

We left NY and made our way through VT and NH with the aid of Gypsy (the disembodied British-accented GPS with whom I maintain a complex relationship.)

Vermont was as beautiful as I remember it, and I was glad to be further North and crossing Lake Champlain. We drove through Montpelier, passing through quaint towns and eventually saw a pink moon rise over the mountains.

We stopped again for hot water and purchased a baguette covered in seeds and herbs and a block of cheese which was eaten - gingerly - on the road, cut with sewing scissors because the knife was well-packed.

As with the crossing of NM into AZ, there is a subtle yet distinct, nose-crinkling change when you cross from VT into NH.

It was at that point that we decided to stay for the evening in a hotel, having long since decided to get to Maine as soon as possible.

We stayed in a less than perfect motel that was advertised as having free WiFi (nope) and non-smoking rooms (except that the staff takes smoke breaks right outside the door and the room was not what I would describe as nicotine-free). It was off a busy road (loud) and at 7:30 in the morning, we were awoken by the proprietress - cigarette in hand - and asked to move the car as they were having some contractors doing something in the parking lot involving leaf-blowers and large yellow equipment that beeped when it backed up.

I got back from moving the car and was told by the Physicist that the handle of the hot water in the bath had come off in his hand, and that the orange juice was terrible.
I agreed and we put it and NH behind us as quickly as possible.

I did learn an important statement if I find myself faced with questionable lodging again, "I will keep that in mind, I am going to check the other motel. If I return, what time will you be here 'til?"

Fri'y 4/10
Left NH and got into ME by 11 am.

On the way, we needed hot water and ended up at Grand View Country Store, which carries yarns, including yarn that was sheared from their sheep and sent to be spun in Harmony, ME.

Drove back roads to Bar Harbor and arrived at 2-ish.
Found our way to winter campgrounds in the park and set up camp.
It is not a contiguous Nat'l Park and much of the area is closed for the season, but the available grounds had running water and heated bathrooms not far from our site.

We enjoyed a late lunch/early dinner at the site of soup, crusty bread, VT cheddar and tea and walked down to the coast (<.5 mi away) and decided to drive to a trail that would be a good evening hike. The view was spectacular, the skies clear and the temps comfortable. I am in love with coastal anything... After sunset, we drive into Bar Harbor to replenish hot water for tea and replace the water we got (it was full of sediment). We ended up at Alternative, a natural food store. We got some local milk (Smith's of Desert Island), a not-so-good spinach pie and wandered through town, stopping for fudge at Ben and Bill's Chocolate Emporium, window shopping at Song of the Sea and taking a few minutes to enjoy the views out to sea.

We headed back to camp, made hot chocolate from the milk, candy bar and sugar cubes - the Physicist quickly spilled his, so we shared what was left and went to sleep under the pines.

More to come...

Something to aspire to

2009-04-07T13:55:00.001-05:00

I just learned that my 92-year old third cousin (my grandfather's 1st cousin) just returned from a trip to Israel.

Now that's something.

Northeasterly

2009-04-06T09:41:00.003-05:00

Due to time and money constraints, I haven't traveled in about 4 years.
I have done day trips, spent a week on Kelley's Island, but no real travel in a while.
In 2005, I spent time in England, Florida, Arizona and California.

Then *poof* - homebody.

On Wed'y the Physicist and I leave for the Adirondacks, then a drive through VT and NH that will lead us to Maine and Arcadia National Park.

A bit early in the season, yes, but the extra day afforded by Good Friday was too much to pass up, making the three day weekend into an easy 5 day vacation.

We were going to take a train, but decided that driving would give us more flexibility.

I'm a bit disappointed to be skipping train travel, but I'm sure there will be other opportunities.

What I can't wait for is 5 days of hiking, canoeing and seeing a state I've never visited before.

To Maine!

Deaccessioning

2009-04-02T09:32:00.011-05:00

From the Wikipedia Entry:

Deaccessioning, the process of disposing, selling or trading objects from a museum collection, is not undertaken lightly in most museums. There are ethical issues to consider since many donors of objects typically expect the museum to care for them in perpetuity. Deaccessioning of an object in a collection may be appropriate if a museum has more than one example of that object and if the object is being transferred to another museum. It may also be appropriate if an object is badly deteriorated or threatening other objects.

Over the years I've collected a lot of Things.
Things that had meaning.
Things I gave meaning.
Things whose meaning changed.

Over the years, especially since the fire and my father's illness, Things have shifted to the extreme ends of the meaning continuum. They either mean everything (Things my father made) or nothing (Things that staged the environment in which I wanted to live.)

So I have been slowly, but regularly, deaccessioning Things.

Today I parted with a clock I purchased at an art auction. I always wanted a piece by this artist; he lives down the street and has a wonderful eye, subtle wit and national reputation.

But I have a small apartment and the neon is overwhelming when its on - and it should be on.

So I donated it to another art auction, and found out a friend wanted it, so I delivered it to him today, and he's writing the check out to the nonprofit I donated to.

So deaccessioning for the good of others - AND this piece has now raised money for two local nonprofits.

This Thing has a new life now.
And that makes me very happy.

Film Fest Knitting

2009-03-25T11:34:00.007-05:00

In between rounds at the Film Fest, you can't really watch movies - too much to do...

But in those 15-20 minute chunks of time, it's not at all fun to sit and stare at the wall, so I started a new (portable) knitting project for spring!

My Wanderlust Cami (formerly the Un-beaded Cami).

I finally understand that cotton yarn = drapey, so I saved this beautiful yarn for a flowing tunic-ie top that will be perfect for sunning my shoulders.

Pattern can be found here

Film Fest

2009-03-23T22:56:00.004-05:00

I've been down at the Film Fest since last Thursday night.

Not quite as literally as last year when snow kept me at Tower City for 3 days straight - but I worked Thursday night, took a vacation day to work Friday, was there for Sat'y and Sun'y, too.

And because the opera has opening night on Friday and a matinee on Sunday - I'm working evening shifts all week.

Tonight I actually stayed to watch a film!

There is something about the busyness and choas is so energizing - it goes beyond the films for me.

So that's where I've been, that's where I'll be.

Phone off, email unchecked, Facebook un-updated and blog (generally) ignored...

NPD

2009-03-18T15:17:00.013-05:00

You know those people.
Those. People.
The ones that show up in your life and drive you crazy.
Not in a charming way...well - maybe - at first.
But the ones that even when you wash your hands of them, you still see red when you run into them on the street or even think about what will happen if you run into them on the street.

Part of what drives you crazy is that these people, they don't react to things like people should.*

They parry and thrust around life in a way that is simply un-understandable, illogical and generally leaves a lot of bad feelings all around.

Anyway, I just read this article in Slate about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and it gives a good description of those very things that lead to head scratching/teeth grinding/throw your hands in the air and give up.

And it's calming to see these experienced actions described as "bad behavior" in a neutral space - not just coming from friends or your own attempts to reconcile why you've found yourself staring deep into the eyes of shadenfreude.

It's one of those articles you stumble upon and find yourself saying out loud at work "Ohmygod, that's EXACTLY what he/she/it/they would say!"

It is sad to learn that they even leave a slug trail of frustration through therapy, a quote from the article...

"clinicians reported feeling anger, resentment, and dread in working with narcissistic personality disorder patients; feeling devalued and criticized by the patient; and finding themselves distracted, avoidant, and wishing to terminate the treatment."

I'll leave you with this...

"...researchers explored whether NPD should even be considered a disorder since the people who have it, by definition, think so highly of themselves. The authors conclude it is a pathological condition but one that uniquely causes "pain and duress" not to the sufferers but to those closest to them."

* Full disclosure: I have my own PD - Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder which basically means I have one acceptable view of how the world works and those who stray outside it are wrong wrong wrong.

Spring Knits

2009-03-16T20:58:00.024-05:00

Spring is in the air and I'm want to knit lovely light things.

I don't know if these count as "lovely" or "light," but I thought knee socks in the colors of water would be a good place to start!
2 socks
4 balls of yarn
1 pair of circular needles

I finished my Candy-colored socks just in time for spring. I love them and so does the Lucy-cat.

A Shalom sweater for my grandmother made of alpaca and cashmere... super soft.

Finally - extra credit for me - I was given this linen - but I have to detangle the yarn barf.

Just the thing to do whilst lying in a hammock in the spring sun.

Thaw

2009-03-16T13:57:00.006-05:00

This past weekend was one of those spectacular weekends that make you happy to Be.

Friday evening I met a friend and went for a brisk walk around Shaker Lakes, enjoying the extra light at the end of the day and taking advantage of house-sitting on the east side. I spent the evening teaching myself how to knit a pair of knee socks from the toe up, 2 at a time.

Saturday I drove to Lorain to get the paperwork dealt with for the Javelin, the title is now in my name and I secured the license plate for the trailer.
While my parents were off looking at model trains in Cleveland, I was in their backyard on a ladder trimming back the grapevines on the arbor, cleaning leaves out of the gutters and generally tidying up the backyard for spring.

I got a call while I was on the ladder and fighting a particularly difficult bit of vine. I described my current status as "Manifesting my dominance over nature." - I was immediately smacked in the face by the vine who let me know, in no uncertain terms, that regardless of my shears, I was not the one in control. Even wrapping up the vines into neat and tidy bundles with twine was highly satisfying and put a spring into my step.

A walk to Lakeview Beach was lovely, but after I happened upon a half a deer washed up on shore, I decided to head back to Cleveland as I did not care to be reminded that not everything revealed by the thaw is charming.

I stopped at two knit shops on my way back - considered the materials and practiced enough self-control to not buy anything new.

I ended my day at Laura-friend's, knitting and eating sushi - and doing my best not to reveal that her upcoming birthday trip to "Chicago" was actually going to be a trip to Paris... she knows now, so I can stop fidgeting. I left with oodles more de-stashed yarn and the idea to stripe my socks - which means I'm now working with 4 balls of yarn on 1 pair of needles.

Sunday was going to be a trip out to my uncle's to get the boat and clean it - but the earth is too spongy yet, so I stayed in town and left ruts unmade.

I made my way to the Physicist's where we played in the garden - clearing leaves and thinning out aggressive lilies - stopping, of course, for a bit of tea while we admired the work.

A trip to the garden center proved that we were too early in the season, so it evolved into a trip to Borders and then early dinner/late lunch. Back to wash cars of the salt crust that built up over the winter before it became too chilly or dark to stay outdoors. That turned into using the power-washer to clear the driveway, walks and rinse the windows - I hate to simply watch someone else work, so I started in on clearing the front beds.

The day ended with a film of short films, "Paris, Je'taim," tea and a slice of cheesecake.

What can I say - God's in his heaven and all's right with the world.

Coming from an agnostic, that means alot...

456

2009-03-13T14:40:00.005-05:00

I have 456 unread Make blog posts.

Everyday I say, "I'll read those later, when I have time to process them."

And every night I say, "I'll read those tomorrow."

In addition to Reader, I get approximately 10-15 daily links from the Physicist.
All of which are interesting and lead more research, reading and often expand my Reader list by a few.

I do the same thing - sending links upon unsolicited links to friends.

Excellent way to expand knowledge or time suck?

Opinions?

Hellllooooo

2009-03-10T19:57:00.004-05:00

I'm a little bit back.
I've been working and knitting and enjoying weekends with the Physicist.
A short list of the past few weeks.
I've...

seen the Weston Exhibit at the Akron Art Museum.
spent the afternoon in Oberlin and taken in the collection at the Allen Art Museum.
seen E.O. Wilson speak at Severence Hall on Darwin
seen Brian Greene speak at Finney Chapel on String Theory
read "White Teeth" by Zadie Smith
read "The Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion
started "A walk in the woods" by Bill Bryson
started "Epitaph for a peach" by David Masumoto
watched countless TED talks
drank copious amounts of tea
finished watching the complete "Brideshead Revisited"
weened myself off sleeping with a white noise machine (sometimes...)
learned to ask for the little things that make life better
learned that asking sometimes even results in receiving
ate hybridized chestnuts
strengthened my vegetarian cooking skills
learned what a 2-stroke engine is AND am preparing to help fix one (!)

All in all, it's been a good few weeks - strike that - months.

Happy just isn't fodder for blogs - but I'll try to keep up appearances...

Grease monkey

2009-02-27T11:00:00.006-05:00

Last weekend Physicist and I went to my uncle's and picked up the outboard motor that hasn't worked in almost a decade.

I know nothing of building and/or rebuilding motors.
Carburetors? Nope.
Pistons? Uh-uh.
Crankshafts? What?

But I can't wait to figure it out.

We're getting a barrel from a friend of a friend once we clean it, because you can't work on an outboard unless its propeller is in water (I actually knew this - yay, me!)

The trailer has new wheels - now I just have to get my parents to the Title Bureau to transfer it to me so I can secure a trailer license and haul the beast to the garage.

Pics will come soon!

At the very least, it feels good to finally move forward on a project I've been aching to get started for years.

Hurrah for forward momentum!

New art!!!

2009-02-22T21:30:00.003-05:00

Friday night I went to see the live action Oscar shorts at the Cedar Lee.
On my way back to the car, I stopped into HeightsArts where I found THIS...

Love Love Love this.
Love it.

In 2002 I was doing an internship in the conservation lab at the art museum and they were just accessioning this piece by the same artist, Brent Kee Young - from his fossil series.

Now, I've searched a bit and realized I am not currently of the budget to purchase one of those, but my piece... it was a splurge, but I feel I have now checked off each of the local artists I wanted represented in my collection.

More Mid-winter knitting

2009-02-17T13:53:00.012-05:00

Like the rest of Northeast Ohio, I was buried under 5 feet of snow for (what felt like) eons.

So what did I do?

I knit.

Ysolda's Gretel. Made for my mother who requested a fetching hat that would cover her ears.

I love this pattern - the trellis cabling is achingly sweet.

I started this 2 weeks ago and finished it in the car on the way back from the Akron Art museum this past Sunday. Go see the Edward Weston exhibit - you won't regret it.

So sweet! (Even without make-up...)

This sweater is actually what I've been working on as the snow drifted. I've no link to the pattern as it was in a free magazine I picked up at River Colors.

It's a good example of tempting fate - it was meant to be made with a different size yarn and needle - and the yarn I chose was limited as it was a destash purchase with no hope of getting anymore than the 5 or 6 skeins I had. So I squinted my eyes and hoped very, very hard that it would fit.

It seems to have worked.

Contentment

2009-02-10T13:30:00.008-05:00

I'm pretty happy these days.
That's a wonderful thing.
But it seems to result in less blog posts.
I don't know why this is, other than I have a lot less angst to sort out these days, and this format was great for weighing the Great Questions of Life.
I still have questions - but there's a much different tone to them now.

I think I may engage in some housecleaning here, maybe rearrange some things.

There is a spectacular project looming on the horizon - something I've been chomping at the bit to start for years - my father has a 14' sailboat that is now mine and it needs W O R K. I have a place to put it and hands to help - now I just need to get it from my uncle's farm to a garage east of the city.

Wish me luck! I want to be sea-worthy by August!

Are you kidding me?

2009-01-30T10:44:00.012-05:00

An article from the NYTimes miffed me this morning...

NOT long ago, a woman in California called me for advice. She is divorced, with two children, and has a series of interlocking financial problems.

She lives in a lovely home in a stylish inland enclave. It has an interest-only mortgage of about $2.2 million that requires a payment of $12,000 a month, very roughly. It was last appraised at $2.7 million, but who knows if it’s now worth anything remotely close to that price.

The woman, whom I’ve known since she was a teenager, has no job or other remunerative employment. She has a former husband, an entrepreneur whose business has suffered recently. He pays her $20,000 a month, of which roughly half is alimony and half child support. The alimony is scheduled to stop this summer.

She has a wealthy beau who pays her credit card bills and other incidentals, but she is thinking of telling him she is through with him. She has no savings and has refinanced her home repeatedly, always adding to indebtedness and then putting the money into a shop she owns that has never come close to earning a dime. Now she is up all night worrying about money. “Terrified,” as she put it. She wanted me to tell her what to do.

The stand-out points - she gets $20,000 A MONTH.
Two of those and I've reach the salary I expected to earn in my 30s. (I have working theory about always earning - at minimum - your age.)

She felt a monthly house payment of $12,000 was something a single mother could afford. An ex-husband, hell - a HUSBAND - should never, ever be considered a gravy train. They can lose jobs, too and are more than their earning potential.

She feels entitled to have her "beau" foot her credit card bills.
SHE HAS CREDIT CARD BILLS...

...while getting a $240,000 annual allowance.

If I could get half of one of her monthly checks, my debt would be gone AND I could increase my savings.

SHE HAS NO JOB OR "REMUNERATIVE EMPLOYMENT."
Do you know how many degrees you could buy with 10 years at $240k?
How many unpaid internships and research projects she could have cut her teeth on while resting in her safety net lined with angel wings and baby tears?
It says she owns a shop that loses money... any investor worth his salt (presumably these fellows she's living off of) would encourage her to GET OUT OF THAT BUSINESS.

This woman is on the dole - living beyond her means and not taking any responsibility for her situation. She is passively accepting living expenses and obviously feels entitled to the long-term continuance of this situation and her stress, her "terrified" is that she has allowed herself to rely on things that she has absolutely no control over.

And yet the tone of the article is "Poor Her."

No.

Not poor her.

Not one bit.

Poor her kids.

But not poor her.

Toffee with Fluer de Sel

2009-01-24T11:39:00.009-05:00

So my delightfully cozy Friday night plans were thwarted by the beginnings of bronchitis (for me) and a nasty cold (for a friend).

I decided to laze about, reading copies of Martha Stewart that a friend gave me and, much to my delight, I found that her December issue had a chapter on candy.

I love the chemistry of candy-making, although I'm still quite the novice.

I found this recipe and realized that I had everything needed to make it.

So I got up, put on a Drs. face mask and apron and got to work!

The first step is to make Napalm of the listed ingredients: 300 degree Fahrenheit(!)
I kept worrying it would spill over... but luckily, it did not.

Poured onto a jellyroll pan lined with parchment paper and sprinkled with white and black sea salt.

Delicious bits of buttery, sugary, salty goodness.

To share. (Hence the Drs. mask... no one wants bronchitis in their candy)

Mid-winter knitting

2009-01-22T21:22:00.007-05:00

A good friend decided to de-stash and I'm all the happier for it!

I got lots of lovely yarn and have started (and finished) a couple of projects...

A honeycomb pullover that has much promise.

My "I wonder if I can modify this pattern to use this yarn?" shrug.
I love the salt-water taffy colors, especially against the dark chocolate edging.

Yay! More socks!
In warm summer colors!

I wasn't home much around the holidays and Tilda-beast decided to exact revenge by getting into my stash and having her way with it.

Now imagine this throughout my apartment (no yarn was harmed... whew!)

Finally!

2008-12-04T14:37:00.004-05:00

Hello my name is Sarah and I can never find boots that fit.

Thanks to a magical combination of genetics and lifelong activity I have enormous, muscley calves and a healthy cankle situation.

I've tried them all... J.Crew, Fitzwell, Naturalizer - you name the special boot and I've at least ordered it once (if not twice) and returned it.

I had one magical pair from Payless c. 1999 - but they look straight outta the wardrobe of Friends when Monica was making mousse out of Mocolate.

I have another pair that could use a stretch and another that's too stretchy and falls down when I walk 10 feet at a good clip.

This summer I discovered Duo Boots - a company out of the UK that offers boots that have various size and shaft combinations (tee hee - I could use that same phrase in such a different context, but it's just too easy).

Anyhoo - I'm happy to report that my calf size is somewhere in the middle (I blame my Brit ancestry for the situation now) and I have my choice of all available options.

At the time, the pound to dollar was somewhere around 1.83 and I wasn't about to pay $300 for boots that are worth 120 pounds... so I waited and watched.
And watched.
And waited.

Today it was 1.46 and I went for it - it may go lower (and if it does go to 1.25 I will be getting another pair).

Behold, the magical boot... being whisked my way across the ocean blue to be worn with skirts and dresses all winter long.

*sigh....*

Next up... the Metz.. or maybe the Potenza... or the Samara...?

10 Dimensional Hypermaze of Doom

2008-12-02T21:07:00.012-05:00

So I got my wallet stolen 2 weeks ago.

From my office.

It appeared to be missing at 4:35 pm on a Friday - before I was due for a weekend that included a date, an out-of-town funeral and general unable-to-take-care-of-business Sunday-ness.
Of course the phone number to report a lost or stolen card is on the back of the card so I ran through the snow to the bank across the street - that closed at 4:30.
I banged on the window like some lame modern rendition of "The Graduate" until the teller came to the door and told me that the number I needed was ON THE BACK OF THE CARD.

*Blank stare*

She had her own card on her and gave me the number with a concerned looking manager watching from the lobby.

Card cancelled - requested a new one.

Done and done.

Weekend happens, followed by shortened holiday week and deadlines and Thanksgiving.

I got to the BMV on Black Friday - a good week after losing my wallet.
No line and smug that I was going to be able to accomplish this before meeting friends, I stepped up with my passport, birth certificate and social security card.

SCREEEECH

"We're sorry, but there's a hold on your license in Arizona."

"Wait... What?"

"You don't need to fill that out - here's the number, you need to clear this up before you can replace you license. NEXT!"

So I called the number and learned that there was an allegedly unpaid speeding ticket outstanding.

Now, I lived in Arizona TEN YEARS AGO.
Ten years is three years longer than you are required to keep records and last year at Christmas, I systematically shredded everything left from my life in the desert.

So they gave me my "complaint number" and the phone number for Mesa's courts - closed, by the way, on Black Friday.

There was both an automated phone and online service, but they didn't give me the date, and you need the date to get information - so I called back... again. (September 27, 1998, if you're interested).

I called the courts yesterday evening and sat on hold listening to the worst possible holiday muzak interspersed with static - and I began to wonder if this was some preliminary psychological torture meant to cause anxiety and lower resistance levels.

So I hung up and made a call...

To my mother - I directed her to files in my old room with what was left of my shredder-happy holidays.

This turned up an envelope with slightly illegible chicken scratch suggesting I sent a money order on October 11, 1998 for $97 to the City of Mesa (TA-DA!) - but chicken scratch is not evidence... so she also gave me the name of my insurance agent when I was out there.

Yeah.
She got a call.

She was going to contact their home office and go through micro-film archives - because, in Arizona, if you don't pay your ticket, you get your license suspended and they flag your insurance.

I sent an email to a cop friend about what to do.
I called a lawyer friend about next steps.

My ducks in a goddamned row.

So today I called Mesa - turns out I it went to a judge in 2006 and they dismissed it.
I owe nothing and they will be sending me an "abstract" that I need to take to the Ohio BMV.

So I called the Ohio BMV to see what's what.
Questions like - Is my license suspended? Will I have to retake the driving test? How much money will this cost me? all needed to be answered.

The woman I spoke with told me (in brusque BMV manner) that Arizona has not cleared me from the PDPS (Problem Driver Pointer System - heh) and that she had no idea what an "abstract" is and how it was going to help me.

*sigh*

I'm so happy I don't owe any money, I'm really glad my license is not suspended, and I'm beyond thrilled this came up now instead of later but I can't figure out exactly what it is I'm supposed to be clearing up. Nothing needs to be paid - or signed - so I'm still not entirely sure what the problem is.

Listen, I've lived at the same address for the past 9 years - and the address on my license 10 years ago was my parents' - which hasn't changed in over 30 years. AND my last name is so freaking weird and singular that one half-hearted Google search finds me in less time than it takes to sneeze.

Was anyone going to tell me about this mess?

GAH!

So tomorrow I'll call Mesa AGAIN and listen to the torture music for 20 minutes and then ask them to please, please, please remove me from the PDPS and let me get on with my little life far far away from the soulless expanses of Mesa, Arizona.

Curse of the magpie

2008-12-01T21:42:00.010-05:00

I steal things.

A turn of phrase, a scarf knot, a haircut, a color combination for a knitted project.

I put them together in my own way, but I'm simply a thieving, stealing, collecting magpie.

I used to feel bad about it and then a designer I worked for told me this...

"Good artists borrow, but great artists steal."

I learned the strength of visual cues and came to love the stories they could tell.

Switch gears to art-making. When it comes to art, I have very little profundity to share. I have ideas and concepts - I like to find elaborate metaphors for situations - but as for earth-shattering artistic concepts...
nothing.
Zilch.
Nada.

So when I make something, it's often variation on theme - or an outright copy.
And this troubles me.
And it troubles me that it troubles me.

In music, the variation on a theme is it's own legitimate work:
Vaughn William's Fantasia on a Theme by Thomas Tallis; or
Brahm's Variation on a Theme by Paganini.

Even in art, there are variations on canonical images.
The Spinario, The Annunciation or the Three Graces (second link is NSFW).

But for some reason, I have difficulty gracefully accepting compliments when I make something that is based on something else. There's this deeply seeded feeling that a copy can be made by anyone and it's only the original that has any worth.

Of course, in the process of creating this post, I see how silly that is - new ideas come from revisiting old ones. One artist posed the Graces based on something he read in a story, and that pose became the anchor of all other works that reference them.
What if a different pose was chosen?

You stand on the shoulders of those who went before - keep the strengths and find opportunities to change the elements where you can: color, medium, size.

It's a struggle for me to accept that even unoriginal is original - but in the meantime, this magpie will keep gathering beautiful, meaningful bits that together create a totally original nest.

Fine. Merry Christmas.

2008-11-30T21:13:00.012-05:00

I didn't think I'd want to decorate for Christmas this year. I skipped halloween due to overwhelming busy and figured Christmas would be the same.

Just a wee bit of cheer for me... (and the tippling elf)

I wanted to display my vintage ornaments and my shakers seemed just the thing...

My feather tree in the living room...

A deco Christmas...

Hurrah for Christmas cheer!

Ignorance goes a long way

2008-11-29T12:07:00.010-05:00

There was a recent blurb online that ranked Cleveland as one of the worst places to relocate.

The top negative attributes, according to the survey, were environment—climate, park space, natural resources (58%); health and safety (45%); and image (42%).

Excuse me, fool?

Park space?
Honey, please...
And might I add, suck it.

Natural resources???

Have seen our lake?

When your oceans and streams have all run dry, you'll come weeping your dry tears to us - but we're smart enough to protect that resource from being abused by the kind of people who rank image as a reason not to move to city that has pretty much everything you could want from the urban experience for 1/3 of the cost of other cities.

You have no idea what you're missing - but I guess that just means more parks, water, medical research, world-class arts and culture and cuisine for me!